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Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass


Author: toni

~ 08/31/09

 

Okay. We mommies have all been guilty of it. Dressing up our kids in adorably cute or silly or outrageous outfits when they were too little to protest. (Mostly I blame ANNE GEDDES for this!) Or combing their hair in a MOHAWK or like that guy from HELLRAISER when they’re babies for future prom night blackmail photos.

And then there are those people who dress up their dogs! These are folks who either DON’T have children they can subject to this strange fetish or their children have reached the age of speaking and can now shout the words “BACK OFF, MOM!”.  So they turn their fetish onto their dogs.

And lemme tell you, there must be LOTS of such folk because last time Julia dragged me into the Pet Store at the mall, I thought I was walking into a GAP KIDS with all the outfits and accessories I saw in there! And some of those blingy, tiny T-shirts sporting words like SPOILED and MOMMY’S BABY cost more than mine! This dressing up doggies is clearly a billion dollar industry.

Well, just when you thought it couldn’t get any crazier or weirder — now folks are TRANSFORMING THEIR DOGS  (specifically their POODLES) to look like other animals entirely!

It’s a new thing called POODLE DOODLES. And there are actually dog shows that feature this.

Check out some of these pictures! They’re AMAZING! Disturbing, but amazing.

THE CAMEL POODLE

THE PANDA BEAR POODLE

THE SNAIL POODLE

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE AMAZING PICTURES!

 

 

As impressed as I am by the artistry involved here, I gotta ask… is this REALLY okay to do to your dog? It’s not like they have a say. And how is this different than dressing your 10 month-old in a black leather jacket and Raybans with a fake cig hanging from his mouth (which I have also seen) all for the sake of a funny picture for the annual Christmas letter?

 

What do YOU think? Is this DOGGIE ABUSE? Or just plain fun?

NOTE: There’s part of me that thinks these pictures are photoshopped fakes. They’re from a British tabloid and all.  But they’re still cool. And make a point.

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Author: toni

~ 08/28/09

 

Let’s see. How did I mess up as a mom this week?

You know. I did pretty well when I think about it. Some of it has to do with the fact that I can still barely speak above a whisper (thanks to the Botox). That means I can’t YELL at my kid. Not that I had the energy to. This illness has caused me to shed 9 pounds very quickly which has left me feeling pretty light-headed. How do these Hollywood actresses do it? With their crash diets. I guess it doesn’t matter if they end up feeling light-headed. They probably don’t even notice a difference.

Well, here’s a drink that’ll leave YOU feeling light-headed. But in a good, yummy way. It’s a twist on a pina colada called….

 

MONKEYLADA

 

2 very ripe bananas
1 cup diced fresh pineapple, plus 4 wedges for garnish
1 cup pineapple juice
1/2 cup “lite” coconut milk (see Tip)
3 cups ice cubes
6 ounces (3/4 cup) light rum

 

Puree bananas, diced pineapple, pineapple juice, coconut milk and ice in a blender. Stir in rum. Divide among 4 glasses. Garnish with pineapple wedges.

NUTRITION INFORMATION: Per serving: 228 calories; 2 g fat (2 g sat, 0 g mono); 0 mg cholesterol; 28 g carbohydrate; 2 g protein; 2 g fiber; 12 mg sodium; 339 mg potassium.
Nutrition bonus: Vitamin C (52% daily value).
2 Carbohydrate Servings
Exchanges: 2 fruit, 1/2 fat

TIP:  Refrigerate leftover coconut milk for up to 1 week or freeze for up to 2 months. It will appear separated when thawed; simply mix until smooth.

 

 

ENJOY! Remember….don’t feel guilt and drive.

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Author: toni

~ 08/27/09

INSPIRATION!

Welcome to Good Mommies in Movies where we review movies that, you guessed it, feature “Good Moms”. This is for us less-than-perfekt mommies who sometimes need a little INSPIRATION to get through our days. One way to get it: by watching impossibly great movie moms in action.

 

I have been pretty ill lately. And seeing me so has made my 7 year-old daughter Julia very concerned. I think children expect their parents to always be strong and when they’re not, well…it rattles their whole world.

It can rattle a mommy’s world too. We always want to be there for our kids. Especially when they are young and need us so… but sometimes life throws us a curve ball.

What the heck does this all have to do with a movie review? Nothing. Except following is a movie where a mommy gets thrown life’s ultimate curve ball. And she inspires us with the grace with which she deals with it. Also, how good (and quite fashionable) she looks through it all.

 

 

 

STEPMOM – This film has TWO GOOD MOMMIES. A biological mom and a stepmom. Now, it’s a tear-jerker. And I don’t want to spoil it for you, but I will. So you better stop reading if you don’t want to know… Susan Sarandon, the divorced mom of TWO KIDS, comes down with cancer. And well, despite the gorgeous home, the perfect clothes, and all the amazing backlighting, it isn’t going to end well for her. And though she is not fond of ex-husband Ed Harris’ new wife Julia Roberts (and let’s face it, who would be if they were being replaced by a younger, skinny-legged international movie star?) she also realizes that her negative feelings toward Julia have nothing to do with Julia’s suitability as a mother figure, or her affection for Susan’s kids. In the end, she passes the mommy mantle to Julia, with her blessing. Now that’s motherly love. And the ultimate sacrifice.  I WILL NOT cry. I WILL NOT cry. (NOTE: CLICK ON the title to order from Amazon.com).

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Author: toni

 

 

At his sentencing hearing the other day CHRIS BROWN told the judge he was “depressed” and filled with “remorse” over beating up former girlfriend RIHANNA.

 

This is him at a club just hours after the sentencing, looking horribly depressed and completely filled with remorse.

Don’tcha just want to hug him and tell him it’s all going to be okay?

 

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Author: toni

~ 08/26/09

 

Here at Mammakaze, there are two things we simply cannot abide…people who hurt children and guys who beat up women. ZERO TOLERANCE. I don’t even want to tell you what we think should happen to those folks because this is a family friendly blog (generally, anyway)… suffice it to say – Hammurabi would approve

So you have to know how “relieved” we were to hear that CHRIS BROWN finally got his punishment for BEATING THE CRAP out of girlfriend RIHANNA in February. (CLICK HERE to see our previous post on the subject).

Oh yeah. They showed him. Five Years Probation! FIVE YEARS! Oh and some community service and classes in anger management and a partridge in a pear tree! Wow! Now that’s justice, right?

NOT! Probation for beating a woman within an inch of her life?! Are you freakin’ kidding me? Anger management classes he’s gonna sit through wearing his iPod that’s playing some song with lyrics like “Shut your mouth, bitch or I’ll shut it for you” while he texts his friends to see if they want to spend the weekend in Ibiza jet skiing? SCREW THAT!

Just the other day on the Showtime show PENN AND TELLER: BULLSHIT! I saw an OLD GUY who went to jail because he couldn’t afford to maintain his yard in compliance with the CC&R’s of his Homeowner’s Association! This Elderly Guy who is behind on his mortgage which is why he can’t afford lawn care gets jail time and Chris Brown gets NO TIME for nearly strangling a woman to death? For punching her in the face repeatedly with his fist that had a huge ring on it which cut her up?  

Oh wait. The Old Guy was in Florida. We obviously have different ideas about what constitutes a crime here in Los Angeles.

Cases in point: OJ, Robert Blake

Let’s face it. If you’re a celebrity, there’s a different standard of judgment. And you can’t convince me otherwise.

You know what I take solace in? The fact that there’s no way he’s gonna tow the line. Guys like this are animals. That kind of vicious rage isn’t a one time outburst. Five years is a long time to hold it in. Somewhere, sometime it’s gonna come out (unfortunately for his victim, whom we hope lives). At which point, he’ll go to jail. Well, unless the RECORD EXECUTIVES who spoke to the judge on his behalf because they could make money off him because he’s such a basically good guy, come to his defense or orchestrate a cover-up.

Nah. They wouldn’t do that, would they?

 

If you or someone you know is the victim of domestic violence, seek help. Here is a link to the NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE.

www.ndvh.org

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Author: toni

~ 08/25/09

I learned a new term recently. I love that about life. You go along. Think you’ve heard or seen it all. And BLAMO! You learn something new.

I was at my daughter’s dance class. It was parent observation day. The mommies were all standing outside in the hallway where they could see their daughters through a large glass window practice their shuffle-hop-turns. 

Close quarters. 15 or so moms standing around. An hour and a half to “observe”.  The perfect opportunity to gossip or for “overhearing” gossip.

As I pretended to be fully focused on my kid and her “buffalo” this is the conversation I pretended not to overhear.

 

MOM #1: I couldn’t believe it! I had been running around since 6 am. Three lunches to make. Three kids to get to school. I volunteered in 2 classes. I had one pediatrician appointment. We had soccer right after school. Then I had to rush over and drop my daughter off at her gymnastics class. Run back to pick up my kid from soccer. Stop at the grocery store to get stuff for dinner. Rushed home, made dinner, did homework, baths and bedtime. Then I get to bed totally wrecked and my husband has the nerve to ask me for sex!

 

MOM #2: What’d you do?

 

MOM #1: Gave it to him. Duty booty.

 

I watched as Mom #2 nodded knowingly. And I could tell she too, knew only too well of “duty booty”.  I looked around the crowded hallyway and was sure everyone in there had heard the term but me! Why hadn’t I heard of it before? I HATE being out of the loop!

But if I’m honest. I know it too. Maybe not the term itself. But certainly the sentiment.

Admit it. You do too!

You know, those days when you’ve been running all day, not a moment to yourself. Maybe you’re juggling work or kids’ schedules or both. All you can think of is that big, soft bed complete with the too many pillows your husband always complains about…down comforter and fresh sheets you put on this morning. The kids are finally asleep, you crawl in, so exhausted you forgot to take off your mascara. What the hell. The sheets are white. They can be bleached. Ain’t NO WAY you’re getting out of that comfy position. You settle in ….AHHHHH. And suddenly…

NUDGE.

You try to ignore it. Pretend it didn’t happen.

NUDGE. NUDGE.

Crap! You breathe REALLY deeply to try to feign sleep.

NUDGE. NUDGE. NUDGE. Followed by a very warm hand on your thigh.

 

You hesitate for a moment. Quickly calculating when the last time was that you, you know, “DID IT”.  Because if it’s not been THAT long it’s totally reasonable to play the “I’M TOO TIRED” card. (No one says “I have a headache anymore.” Too cliche. Husbands don’t buy it. Tired, they buy. Because they’ve seen the baggage you’re carrying under your eyes. Plus you frequently remind them.)

So you’re rapidly doing the figuring in your head. “Let’s see, was it Friday? No. That’s the night BOBBY had a bad dream and ended up in our bed. The week before? No. Hubby had to work late every night. I KNOW! It was the day SUZY lost her first tooth.  That was….”

HOLY MOLY! That’s when you realize…. the NEW tooth has already grown in!

Exhausted as you are, you know that while Mommies need their sleep, Daddies have needs too. And really, if you dig down deep, past the sleep deprivation and the jumble of a “to do” list that keeps floating around in your head– you’ll remember that YOU HAVE THOSE NEEDS TOO. You roll over and put a reciprocal hand on his thigh. And there you have…

DUTY BOOTY!

I don’t know about you, but in the end, I’m always VERY HAPPY that I obliged.

Sleep is sometimes overrated.

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