Comments on: Dilemma: I Can’t Be A Good Mom Unless I Give Away That I Have Been A Bad Mom

By: mommymarchbanks

mommymarchbanks — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:47:53 +0000

Okay, this is a tough one. It goes against every Mama Bear instinct to keep mum about seeing this in her diary, but I think you nailed it when you brought up the trust thing. It’s more important that she feels you trust her. In the long haul (and by long haul I mean when she’s 13 and things really get scary), I think this will serve you better than letting her know you’d be willing to put a hit out on a second grader.
If it makes you feel any better, maybe she can turn these experiences into something artful later on: http://www.getmortified.com

By: bruce

bruce — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:40:38 +0000

You could try to bring up the subject of bullying and harassment, in a VERY roundabout way, perhaps even taking days to fully talk about it, and then gauge Julia’s reaction. If she tells you about the boy at school, you could then ask her how much it bothers her, and if you could help. BTW, you will alter the parent-child relationship if you continue to snoop. After my parents started going through my stuff, I NEVER told them another thing I did not have to. My two sisters and other contemporaries of mine reacted the same way. I really think this is a prime reason parents find teenagers so closed off and unwilling to communicate. Children learn to trust by being trusted. They learn to hide behavior when behavior is hidden from them. B

By: mamabee43

mamabee43 — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:31:15 +0000

My two cents worth . . . I wouldn’t tell her that you read her diary, but I WOULD try to give her some conversation starters that might get her talking about it. Ask her more about her friends. You could even just ask her if there are any kids at school that she has a hard time with and see what she says. If you watch TV together, there might even be an incident in a show where you can talk about relationships and friendship. This sounds trite to say, so sorry!, but I would try to not get too worked up about it at this point. Maybe she was just working out what to write in her diary, and she knows that she should write something “juicy” in it!? Who knows? But I know that this is a really challenging issue for a mom because a friend of mine is going through the same thing, only with an older child. She wants to take names too! Breathe and try to stay sane.