Pages

Categories

Featured Posts

Archives

Links

Meta


MAMMAKAZE

Promote Your Page Too



Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass


Author: toni

~ 12/07/10

 

Have you ever been involved in a mommy carpool where you switch off with another mom for drop-off or pick up at school? And if so, have you ever been ONE BOOSTER SEAT SHORT because you forgot it in your husband’s car or forgot to switch back with the other mom?

If you’re like me, you HAVE at one time or another found yourself short on a car seat. And not only are the safety implications overwhelming. You are also faced with the horrific dilemma, pondering the most dreaded of all questions.

WHAT KID GOES WITHOUT THE BOOSTER SEAT?

Oh yeah. You’ve been there. I know you have. And it’s a tough decision, isn’t it? I mean, it’s not like the days when we were kids and we called dibs on riding shotgun at age 4. Or we battled over who got to lay down in the back of the station wagon while on that 400 mile car trip to Grandma’s. Heck, forget child safety seats. We didn’t even use seat belts! I don’t know about you but our seat belts were nothing but an space-consuming annoyance (we had 4 kids!) and pretty much ended up stuffed inside the crack of the seat only to emerge on the rare occasion when one of us rooted around in there in search of a lost quarter.

Nowadays we mommies know better. Because we have been bombarded with (and by “bombarded with” I mean we have obsessively GOOGLED) statistics about child survival rates in car accidents where a child WAS NOT in a child safety seat. So we’re pretty much horrified at the prospect of any child going without.

So what do you do when you’re one car seat short and you can’t get ahold of another mommy to bring you a spare?

If you are like me and every mommy I know, the answer, while not simple, is obvious.

OUR OWN CHILD GOES WITHOUT!

It’s true, in the couple of instances it happened to me, my daughter went without. And I’m not the only one who has made this decision.

My MAMMAKAZE carpooling friend did the same recently. When she forgot to get the booster seat back from me after I did drop off, she put my daughter in the booster and her SON  went without! This is in spite of the fact that my kid is only 2 inches away from legally being without one and her son is more along the line of 6 inches away. And we’re not the only ones! I’ve polled other moms and they’ve made THE EXACT SAME DECISION!

Crazy, isn’t it? Despite the fact that nature has wired us to protect our children at all costs  (I mean who wouldn’t choose to give the seat on the lifeboat to their kid instead of taking it themselves?) this car seat situation is one instance in which all those millions of years of biological hard-wiring are COMPLETELY OVERRIDDEN.

Why is that? Why would a parent choose the safety of another’s child over theirs? Well the answer is simple.

We don’t want to seem rude.

No kidding. The horror of being whispered about in coffee klatches around town behind our backs – of being labelled “that selfish mom”, it’s enough to short-circuits the synapses. 

Okay. It’s not as simple as that.  The truth is, this choice is all about the question:  Could we live with ourselves if something happened to the precious child of a good friend entrusted to our care? On the flip side is: Could we live with ourselves if something happened to our own child? I mean, not since ABRAHAM has a parent had been faced with such a dilemma! Okay, I exaggerate. At the very least, it’s a maddening CATCH 22 with no good solution!

So in order to cope, in order to prevent being frozen in our tracks, incapable of doing anything, we simply BOIL IT DOWN to … not wanting to be RUDE.

After all rude behavior is well, RUDE! Plain. Simple. Easy.

And while Emily Post may have never written rules on the subject, in the unwritten book of Mommy Etiquette it is the appropriate thing to do. You know, like letting the mommy with the green light pull into the drop-off lane because SHE HAS THE RIGHT OF WAY instead of making that right turn on a red and cutting her off to get into that drop-off lane first! (Are you reading this mommy in the white Mercedes?!)

Anyway, I don’t know what the answer to the problem is. Hauling an extra car seat around seems extreme. But then crossing your fingers and hoping for the best on that 1.5 mile car ride home is pretty iffy. Especially if you’ve read the statistics stating that most car accidents happen within five miles of home – which I know you have because GOOGLE is a mommy’s worst best friend – next to WEBMD.

I can’t think about it right now. I need to hit the internet and try to self-diagnose this patchy area on my right forearm before pick-up. Wait. Where did I put the extra booster?

WHO DO YOU CHOOSE WHEN YOU’RE A BOOSTER SHORT?

Post tags:

Author: toni

~ 10/19/10

 

Okay. I know this happened a month ago, so I’m a little behind on posting. But there is no expiration date on bad parenting OR on my ability to make snarky comments about it. So here goes.

Apparently a mom who was upset about her kid’s volleyball team losing, pulled a gun on the opposing players.

Yep. That’s right. Talk about a bad sport, huh? This is from kbtx.com:

SAN ANTONIO (AP) – Police say a woman believed to be a suburban San Antonio middle school parent pulled a gun on members of an opposing volleyball team after her school lost a match.

Judson school district spokesman James Keith said school police were reviewing videotape of the Thursday night incident to try to identify the woman. Keith says witnesses reported that she threatened to shoot several girls. He says several witnesses knew the woman.

 Keith tells the San Antonio Express-News that Metzger Middle School had just lost to visiting Kirby when the woman approached the Kirby players while they celebrated in a parking lot.

 

And there you have it. Bad mommy! Baaad!

Not since the Texas Cheerleader Murdering Mom tale or whatever the hell that real-life story was that they made into some TV movie with Holly Hunter for which she won an Emmy (either for her convincing portrayal or her spot-on accent) has such an example of bad mommy behavior at a sporting event come up.  

I won’t start by pointing out that both incidents happened in Texas. Okay I just did. BUT that doesn’t mean people in Texas are more apt to pull guns. It just means that more people in Texas HAVE guns so they are more apt to PULL them when provoked.

Although I personally wouldn’t call getting a good old-fashioned ass whoopin’ on the volleyball court “provocation”.  That doesn’t mean that the courts in Texas wouldn’t consider it such. After all, the Texas Cheerleader Murdering Mom who solicited someone to murder the mother of her daughter’s main competition for the cheerleading team so that her own daughter would have a better chance of getting on said team, got off with a 6 month jail stint and 1000 hours of community service.

Are you kidding me? There are people who have gotten stiffer sentences for throwing an empty Sprite can out their car window while driving on the highway!

Clearly the lawmakers in Texas take a different view of what is considered criminal than do I. But what do you expect from a place where shotgun racks are considered optional upgrades in new vehicles along with GPS, tinted windows and leather seats? (Okay. Maybe that’s an exaggeration. A joke even. But I feel I can make that joke having lived there for many years and having relatives who still live there.)

I do not know what is going on in these crazy mommies’ minds. But frankly,  I feel fortunate to live in an area where the biggest danger associated with childhood sporting events is the concern that a child might actually know his her or score and thus whether or not they won. See, where I live competition has gone the way of  TB. It has been all but eradicated from childhood. You know, for fear that some poor child might GASP! feel bad about losing! Because where I come from, all kids are supposed to feel good about themselves whether they have abilities or not.   

I’ll never forget the day when I was at a friend’s house and his wife got home with their 5 year-old son from soccer and I dared to ask the boy “Who won?”. Well, the daddy (my friend) quickly SHUSHED ME and explained that they “don’t keep score”. They play for strictly for fun, not to win.

Okaaaaaaay. Not the way things went down when I was a kid. You won. YIPPEE! You lost. BOO-HOO! Suck it up. Practice more. Try harder next time.  ‘Nuf said.

Naturally the danger of all this is that kids grow up with an over-inflated sense of their ablities or lack thereof. And also no sense of competition which, if you ask me, might cause some problems later in life when they have to COMPETE  for things like, I don’t know,  jobs! Or world power status!

But the important thing is that they don’t feel bad about losing and therefore about themselves. And if kids don’t feel bad about losing, then parents don’t feel bad about their kids losing. Then parents won’t feel the need to pull guns or hire hit men to take out their kid’s competition because their kids won’t have any!

So I guess the answer in Texas isn’t to have stiffer gun laws, but less competition! Because if everyone wins, nobody dies.

Gosh, I’m glad I cleared up.

Seriously, though. A little healthy competition never hurt anyone. But you know what does hurt? Guns. And stupid moms brandishing guns… they hurt the most of all. Because what are you teaching your kids? Or maybe these moms don’t care. Yeah. That’s probably it.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Not everyone should be a parent. Sigh.

Post tags:

Author: toni

~ 09/08/10

 

  Apparently I missed Mr. Blackwell’s latest memo because I had no idea that Underoos were now considered appropriate attire for Disneyland.

Yep. We were standing in line at the Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters ride last weekend and there, right next to us, was a LITTLE BOY wearing nothing but a shirt and his underpants!    

No, he wasn’t a toddler in a diaper (which I also personally think is inappropriate).  This kid was apparently big enough to walk, talk, demand funnel cake and go to the bathroom by himself. And here he was going from attraction to attraction in his underwear!  I don’t care that they were Disney-themed with little Mickey Mouses on them. That doesn’t make it okay! Think about the hygiene implications here! To make matters worse, these underpants were even the kind with the little  door for easy access to his boy parts for peeing and  “what-not”. And as he jumped around and jiggled and jaggled in line as impatient children are wont to do, his boys parts more than once made an appearance. Not only that, there was also some serious “what-not” going on too as he repeatedly stuck his hand in the trap door and then handled the handrail. The only thing missing in this scene was a recliner and Bud Light!  

I mean, it’s bad enough kids pick their noses and touch everything in sight, now I have to see them fondling their wankees and touching the same handrail as me and my kid!

I can only assume that his parents allowed him to dress like this for the sake of convenience. After all, those lines at the bathroom can be sooooo long. This way he could whip it out whenever he liked and easily relieve himself  on the patch of pansies arranged in the shape of Minnie’s head or in Snow White’s wishing well. 

          “One day my prince will come!” 

Sorry Snow White. This kid ain’t gonna be him.

On the other hand, thanks to his mom, he should have no trouble pledging a fraternity when the time comes.

Post tags:

Author: toni

~ 08/19/10

 

When I was a kid whenever we misbehaved we were treated to the belt or the spoon, depending on if the punisher was our dad or our mom. (My mom’s Italian so a wooden spoon was a natural extension of her arm and therefore a logical – and handy – correctional tool).  Back then, corporal punishment was considered acceptable. And though parents didn’t make it a habit, the occasional smack in public was also deemed OK.

In fact, if you saw a kid get hit in public, your parents would give you the “see, that’s what happens when you misbehave” look and you were suddenly on your best behavior knowing you could easily be next. Fear of pain that is coupled with public humiliation is a strong motivator to be good.

In fact, I knew parents who took corporal punishment so much to heart that they made their kid wear a paddle on a string around his neck. And the paddle said, “If I misbehave, spank me.”  I kid you not. Yeah, okay. That was weird even for back then. Even my parents thought so and forbade us ever to use the paddle on the boy…else they’d spank us.  But did anyone call Child Protective Services? Nope, because everyone believed that discipline was the domain of the parents, however they saw fit to do it.

Nowadays, that kid would be a target of a child welfare visit so fast it would make your head spin.

While I’m sure there are still parents out there who believe the occasional swat on the behind doesn’t hurt (the child’s psyche anyway) most of them would never in a million years do it in public for all to see and judge and get them into enough trouble that they’d have to cash out their 401k’s to retain a criminal defense attorney. Nope, I would go so far as to say that most parents who still believe in corporal punishment, engage in it secretly, behind closed doors.  

Generally, parents who believe in spanking have been driven into the dark recesses of the family room, plantation shutters firmly shut. The spanking backlash brought on by countless studies and articles on child rearing has created a nation of closet swatters. (Well, except for that frazzled mom by the BBQ place at Disneyland two weekends ago. But then, given the frustration-inducing crowds sometimes encountered at “the happiest place on Earth”, I’m surprised I didn’t see more parents laying hands upon their kids.)

Anyway, recently one of these closet swatters stepped boldly out into the open. Or as open as an enclosed plane full of passengers and crew can be.  And she even made the news!

A Georgia woman on a Southwest Airlines flight from Texas apparently slapped her 13 month-old daughter when she wouldn’t stop crying.  This resulted in police being called when the plane landed in Albuquerque. The parents were detained and questioned before finally being released with their child and boarding another flight.

Okay. I know how I feel about smacking a baby in the face. NEVER. And I won’t even start ranting about the logic, or lack thereof, that went into determining this was the best course of action to get a baby to stop crying.  

Also,  I’m a proponent of  “when in doubt, err on the side of caution” especially where a child’s welfare is concerned and I, too, probably would have called authorities on this mother.

Still, I have to wonder…

Have we gone overboard in our radical responses to the occasional public swat? Is it our right as parents, albeit absolute strangers, to call out these swatting parents for what they are doing to their kid, as I have actually seen done MANY TIMES! Is it reasonable to call the authorities about it? Or detain an entire flight? And at what point does that seem a necessary move? Where is the line? Is it one of age of the child? Of degree of spanking? Or the kind of spanking? Or is it never, absolutely under no circumstances, ever okay to spank your kid in public or elsewhere?

What do you think?  OKAY OR NO WAY?

Meanwhile,  if you’ll excuse me, I’m late for a scheduled tête-à-tête over juice and crackers with my eight year-old to rationally discuss (all the while avoiding any “you” messages which can be damaging and ineffectual) appropriate and acceptable ways of expressing disdain for mommy’s rules.

Post tags:

Author: toni

~ 07/06/10

 

You know, it’s not enough that plenty of perfectly good marriages are being ruined by lack of sleep, the demands of parenthood and juggling jobs and family life – but now vampires , emo chicks and werewolves are at it too?!

Yeah, it’s true. Know how I know? I read it in an article online and that makes it true, right? The article  said that there are thousands of women who were so obsessed with the TWILIGHT movies that they were neglecting their marriages and even their kids! They spend hours online obsessing about the characters, the production of the movies, even the actors and what they’re doing every minute of their lives.

And you thought Twilight was a story aimed at 14 year-old girls who recently acquired their breasts. I thought so too when I read the first book and saw the first movie, which I’ll admit, is as far as I got.  I mean, wow.  Having read the poetry that is Interview With The Vampire this was NOT my cup of blood.  

But I got it. It wasn’t meant to be great literature. It was clear to me that the appeal of these stories was the whole “forbidden sex” thing. The “danger of sex” thing. The first book was a long – and I mean very long – series of, well,  longing scenes, one after another after another. In fact, I kept wondering, “When is something going to happen?!” And then I realized, when you’re a teenage girl on the verge of her sexual awakening, nothing’s SUPPOSED to happen. Not if your parents and school counselors can help it. Sex is a scary thing, a dangerous thing. Especially in this day and age when it can actually kill you. Also, according to your friends, it hurts really, really badly the first time.

And while Stephenie Meyer may not know story structure if it impaled her through the heart, she knows that young girls have eternally been attracted to the bad boy and forbidden love.

Apparently, however, they aren’t the only ones. Because then I heard some of my mommy friends going on about these books. We’re talking women in their 30s and 40s. Women with husbands who, as evidenced by the existence of children, had already lost their virginity.  And lo and behold, they too had gotten wrapped up in the phenom that is Twilight. They talked about Team Edward vs.  Team Jacob. They giggled about Robert Pattinson’s brooding hotness. They marveled at the pecs of an underage Taylor Lautner. And somehow, I think they identified with the disaffected Bella who, if you ask me, seems like a closet cutter.

But at least none of my mommy friends have reached the frenzied point of the TwiHards who are neglecting their marriages and their children. But here’s what one such woman had to say in an L.A. Times article on the subject:

“My husband finally came to me and said, ‘I think you love Twilight more than you love me,'” says Johnson, who had become especially attached to the community she’d found online. “I ended up moving out of the house and fought for my marriage for six weeks. I had to take a step back and detox myself from Twilight. I was really angry that I had allowed it to suck me in.”

 

That’s what vampires do, right? Suck. Especially the ones in these books. But then, that’s my opinion. And clearly I am in the minority here.

Still, I’ve got to wonder if these women weren’t already having problems in their marriage. Maybe they are just  finding something in these stories that is fulfilling some need that isn’t getting met at home. And really, is this obsession any different than, say, the one that sucks in so many men during fantasy football season?

The bottom line is, all our marriages would be better served if we spent more time tending them instead of sitting in front of a computer screen obsessing about the lives of other people.

Uh, on that note…. Signing off to call Randy the perfekt husband who is on his daily long commute to his job so that Julia can grow up in a nice house on a clean street filled with loads of kids in the suburbs. I love you, honey. Yes, more than my computer.

Post tags:

Author: toni

~ 06/25/10

 

I gotta hand it to Walmart. Despite all the bad press they get for doing things like forcing their employees to work through their breaks and making them vote for candidates the company supports, they DO take their ROLLBACKS seriously.

Case in point, just the other day a couple of WOMEN SHOPPERS at a Walmart in Salinas, California were offered a 6 month old baby for $25 dollars! Yeah, you read that right. And I know what you’re thinking. WHAT A BARGAIN, right?  I mean, adopting a baby nowadays costs at least $25,000 –  $45,000 if you buy it on the black market.

Get this. The women turned the baby down!  I KNOW! Crazy, huh? I mean $25 dollars for a perfectly good baby – WITHOUT the hassle of stretchmarks, labor pains or plugged ducts?!

But they were honorable women and knew that there was something wrong with the scenario given that the baby was just too cheap and that the seller said he was its father. Yeah, that’s right. The baby’s FATHER!

Why would a father sell his baby and how on earth did he arrive at this amount? If you guessed that is was EXACTLY the going rate for enough low grade meth to provide a quick but dirty high, you’d be right.

The women called police and the police went to the guy’s house where they arrested him and the BABY’S MAMMA (pictured right). Yes, you can tell by her lovely complexion that she, too, likes her some crystal meth.  And guess what, she gave her baby a taste for it too, because she was breastfeeding while she was high. Lovely.  The baby is in protective custody. 

Okay. Technically Walmart can’t be blamed or take the credit for this amazing baby discount. Because technically, it happened OUTSIDE the Walmart. And the salesperson wasn’t an AARP member wearing a blue vest. But you gotta admit, it’s further proof that  Walmart’s the place to go if you want the absolute cheapest prices on ANYTHING!  

Know what else it’s further proof of? That most some people SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO HAVE CHILDREN!

I sincerely hope that baby gets the chance it deserves. Although the deck is pretty stacked against it. Sigh.

Okay that’s all I have to say. I’ll spare you my RANT on forced sterilization because, you know, it’s not PC. And I can’t deal with hate emails today.  Today, not a good day.

Just love your children. They’re a gift. Enjoy every moment you have with them because it goes by so quickly.

I LOVE YOU JULIA! With all my heart.

Post tags:
Older Posts »

eXTReMe Tracker


Warning: Unknown: open(/home/content/03/3517603/tmp/sess_lng8emrarng3kdrnbllu1gjs86, O_RDWR) failed: No such file or directory (2) in Unknown on line 0

Warning: Unknown: Failed to write session data (files). Please verify that the current setting of session.save_path is correct () in Unknown on line 0