It’s Friday again. And well, I’m personally relieved. It’s been a week full of UPS and DOWNS with a good dose of guilt blended in. Randy the perfekt husband, who is recuperating from a rattlesnake bite, went back to work yesterday. While relieved, I also feel guilty that I was VERY BUSY with so many mommy things and work meetings that maybe I didn’t spend enough time with him while he was home. 

The whole swine flu thing put my mommy radar on high-alert. And while the WHO put the pandemic threat level at 5, scientists are now saying that this is proving to be a mild strain. WHEW!  So now I feel guilty that I might have overreacted to the whole thing by buying out the last of the wipes at Walmart and stuffing them in all of Julia’s pockets, her backpack and her lunchbox.  Oh well, nobody’s perfekt. Especially me.   

Anyway, in the hopes that this whole swine flu thing will FIZZLE OUT soon and leave us mommies breathing easier…literally! I present my mommy friend Johanna’s GIN FIZZ RECIPE!!! Always a big hit at our cul de sac gatherings! Enjoy!  

Johanna’s Gin Fizz

Add to Blender:

1/2 can of frozen concentrate lemonade (reserve the rest in an empty glass and use empty lemonade can as a  measuring cup)

1/2  can of gin

1/2 can of “half & half”

One egg

One heaping spoonful of powdered sugar

Fill blender the rest of the way with ice and blend

Pour into a tall glass and enjoy…..and try not to feel guilty about the calories!

Also, remember…. don’t feel guilt and drive!

Side note: Some of you have expressed concern about the raw egg in the recipe. As always, use your mommy judgment. If you stay away from things like Caesar Salad and Hollandaise sauce and you don’t let your kids lick the spoon when making brownies, this isn’t the drink for you. For a link on egg safety, click on COMMENTS at the bottom of this post.

Yesterday, Randy the perfekt husband called me AN ALARMIST. “Nu-uh”, I said. “Yu-huh,” he replied. “Oh? And what evidence do you have to support this?” I asked all sassy and more than a little annoyed. To which he proceeded to list the following:

1) The time I freaked out over the story that went around about gangbangers planning to shoot two women at our local Walmart as part of an initiation ritual….which, okay, turned out to be an urban legend.

2) The time I forwarded panicked emails about two SUSPICIOUS LOOKING GUYS seen hanging out at the local schools who turned out to be LANDSCAPERS trying to drum up business from the school district as a result of the bad economy.

3) And NOW he’s calling me an alarmist because of this SWINE FLU THING.

You’ve heard about it, right? This flu that’s going around that’s some weird mutation of pig, bird, cow and human viruses? That’s cropping up in countries and states faster than mushrooms in a humid climate. That we DON’T and WON’T have an available vaccine for for at least six months AND that the World Health Organization (WHO) has put at level 5 out of 6 on the pandemic scale!

I know I know. TMI (too much information–much of it unsubstantiated rumor). We’re bombarded by it.  Also, I watch too many of those specials on the Discovery Channel. You remember how I watched the Discovery Channel’s special on the Western Diamondback Rattlesnake and was able to save Randy’s life as a result? Well, I ALSO watched THE END OF EARTH, a show that listed the top ten ways life on Earth would come to an end!

And guess what? Right up there with the extinction level meteor and that giant caldera under Yosemite that could blow sun-blocking ash over the entire planet was, yeah, you guessed it….a FLU PANDEMIC!

Okay. So I’m an alarmist. I prefer, however, to think of myself as just BEING A MOMMY. Firmly in the category of “better safe than sorry”. Because hey, we mommies worry. We worry about bullies and boo boos and yes, strange guys with weed whackers hanging out at our kid’s school. So now I’m worried about how to keep my kid healthy.

JUST FOLLOW THE PRECAUTIONS to AVOID GETTING SICK, you say? Have you actually READ THE PRECAUTIONS?!? Cuz I’m telling you, they weren’t written by anyone who has kids!

UNREALISTIC GUIDE ON HOW TO PREVENT THE SPREAD OF SWINE FLU

1) Avoid close contact with people who are sick (which if you’re the parent of a child under 5 is completely unrealistic since they are ALWAYS sick).

2) Stay home when YOU are sick (which might not be tempting if you don’t get paid sick days and your mortgage payment is coming up).

3) Keep your kids home if THEY are sick. (I know this one’s tough. I have a lot of working mom friends-and dads too- who feel HAVE to be at their jobs or else…they won’t have one).

4) Cover your mouth and nose with a tissue when coughing or sneezing.  ( I don’t know about you, but I’ve been reminding my kid to do this for over 6 years now and…I STILL have to remind her, every time she sneezes all over her bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios!)

5) Wash your hands regularly with warm soapy water and for as long as it takes you to sing the ABC song.  (I’m lucky if I can get my kid to get to the letter “F” in her washing, let alone get her to add hot water to the cold. And that’s when I’m looking over her shoulder! I don’t want to think what’s going on at school).

6) Avoid touching your eyes, nose and mouth. (Oh right, because kids NEVER pick their noses, put their dirty fingers in their mouths, or rub their eyes after touching something a million other kids have snotted or drooled all over).

Like I said, not very realistic guidelines if you have kids and jobs and mortgages.   But short of digging a moat and pulling up a drawbridge, what can you do?

1) Well, we should at least TRY TO FOLLOW THE GUIDELINES. You never know…that one germ you Purell might be THE VIRUS.

2) TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES AND YOUR FAMILY. Healthy food, sleep, not stressing – these are all things that will help keep your resistance UP and keep you from getting the flu in the first place!

3) EMPOWER YOURSELF WITH FACTS not rumor. Knowledge is power. Here are some articles I found helpful and calming.

http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-sci-swine-reality30-2009apr30,0,3606923.story

http://www.health.yahoo.com/news/ap/med_healthbeat_swine_flu_q_a.html

http://www.cdc.gov/flu/protect/children.htm

 http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=3906861&cl=13247273&ch=4226713&src=news

 4) STAY CALM. WE DO NOT WANT TO SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF OUR KIDS!  (Well, except for when it comes to stranger danger and those uncovered wells you sometimes read about it…oh yeah and leaving an open marker on the sofa).

5) Most importantly “USE YOUR SPIDEY SENSE”. All we moms have it. It’s that intuition/gut feeling that tells us if something feels right or wrong. Especially where our kids are concerned.  If you have a concern, voice it. If a situation doesn’t feel right, act on that. Our priority as mommies is to protect our kids. If we failed to act on our good sense and intuition and something bad happened…now you’re talking SERIOUS GUILT!

Stay safe and healthy. This too shall pass.

File this under the DON’T SAY I NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR YOU category.  

Sorry, Halle. Didn’t anyone tell you that while motherhood is one of the most rewarding experiences on earth, it will also KICK YOUR ASS AROUND THE BLOCK AND BACK!

Suggestion: Revlon Beyond Natural Concealer in Medium Deep.

Randy the perfekt husband calls me a “delicate flower”. Sounds like a sweet, heartfelt endearment doesn’t it? It’s not. It’s a reference to the fact that my comfort temperature lies within the narrow range of somewhere between 74 and 78 degrees. Above that and I find it “unholy hot”. Below that and my core temperature drops to levels usually associated with frostbite and the proverbial witch’s tit.

The biggest telltale sign of this shift in my comfort level: my feet turn into BLOCKS OF ICE! My hands, too. But it’s my feet that are one of the hot-button (or in this case cold-button) issues in our marriage.

I’d like to blame this phenomenon on the post-partum metabolic forces of the universe. You know, the ones that gave me the BIGGER FEET and BIGGER BUTT post-bambina. But truth be told, I’ve always had this problem. And a lot of women have it too. Regardless of age and history of pregnancies.  You know who you are! Your husbands do too.

For me, the problem’s just gotten worse AK (after kid). And it happens fast. I go from short, silky come -hither if I only had the energy nighties to full-on figure unflattering flannels in the blink of an eye! Hence the not-so-endearing endearment “delicate flower”.

Indeed I will admit that I am very sensitive to my environment. I notice the oh-so subtle shift in light as summer turns to fall. I notice how sound carries differently at different times of the year, depending on the warmth of the air or the time of day. I notice the change in the sun’s life-giving rays even before the sycamores that line our street drop their first leaf.  And while some more “mature” folks feel this seasonal shift in their bones… I feel it in my friggin’ feet! And even a hot shower before bed fails to bring up my core temperature.

So I rely on the flannels. And that 20 pound throw I bought because it was 50% off plus I had a 20% off coupon. But most importantly, I rely on that little spot between my husband’s calves. You ladies know the spot. Your guy has one too.

When Randy and I settle down for the night, I take my feet and I BURROW them DEEP, DEEP into that spot, in search of the body heat I so desperately lack.  It’s usually met with a YELP! of shock like you get when you jump naked into a cold lake or your kid flushes while you’re in the shower. It’s followed by the LOW GROWL that rumbles through the darkness, beneath the breath-stifling 20 pound throw:

“Trim your %#@*!# toenails, why don’t you?!”. 

Ah, marriage. For better, for worse.  For richer, for poorer. For hotter, for colder. For…EVER. Sorry, Randy. But socks just make me feel so claustrophobic… I’m happy to get you a bandage though!

So the ill effects of a painful rattlesnake bite weren’t all that Randy the perfekt husband had to endure during his recent stay in the hospital ICU.  

They had him hooked up to all kinds of monitors. See, Randy’s a really hairy manly man. And that EKG machine required A LOT of leads (those are the monitor wires they attach to your chest). Well, in order to keep those attached, they are applied with lots and lots and LOTS of VERY STICKY STUFF!

Putting them ON wasn’t so bad. But the day when they took them OFF. Holy moly! Remember that scene in “40 Year-Old Virgin” when Steve Carell was getting his chest waxed? Oh yeah. It was THAT BAD.  

Poor Randy! There was so much hair flying it was like a gang of cats fighting in an alley. And the RIPPING SOUND! And the shrieking like a girl stoicism in the face of sheer agony! HORRIFYING!

Well, he didn’t come away with a MAN-O-LANTERN. But Julia thinks it looks kind of like A PRETTY (HAIRY) FLOWER. What do you think? 

Thanks for being a good sport Randy!

It’s Monday, or as I like to call it, Manic Momday. The start of another week of mamma drama and endless opportunities to beat ourselves up with guilt!  

If you tuned in over the weekend, you’ll notice I posted my Monday post a little early. This is because I couldn’t wait to put in my two cents about MADLYN PRIMOFF the mommy who got in trouble for leaving her bickering daughters at the side of the road (see post below). I thought it was something all we mommies could relate to and/or have a definite opinion about. I mean, talk about GUILT!

So, if you have time please…

COMMENT! Click the “Comments” link at the bottom of the article. Let us know where you stand on Madlyn’s actions. Good Mommy or Bad Mommy?