Am I crazy or are some of you moms out there DRESSING UP FOR DROP-OFF? 

 

I’m not talking about the moms who have a job at an office to go to after their kids are safely ensconced in the hallowed halls of learning (aka tuition-free public school). I can spot these “working moms”. They’re the ones wearing the pencil skirts and blouses and the impossibly tall heels that will require bunion surgery in their golden years. (Oh yes they will. Ask my mom). Plus the lanyards hanging from their necks, the harried demeanor they exude and the rush to stuff dollar bills into their kid’s backpack because they realized they left the lunch bag sitting on the counter and can’t go back for it…are also giveaways.

No, I’m speaking of those relaxed “I don’t really have anywhere to be except the Starbucks to sip a non-fat latte and nibble on a lowfat muffin” moms in their cute little blinged-out jeans and matching caps which are all the rage (and I look really dumb in by the way). Or the Juicy couture sweats that look great on their yoga butts (which, even when I took yoga for a year, never had). And you sweats-clad moms, don’t try to tell me you’re heading for the Body Works class with the crazy boot camp instructor who makes you do five hundred squats. I’m not buyin’ it!

Know why? Because YOU’RE WEARING MAKE-UP! Oh yes, I see it. Behind those Bebe sunglasses. Eyeshadow, mascara. Even eyeliner! Eyeliner at 7:45 in the morning! Are you kidding me? I don’t have enough to deal with that now I have to worry about how I look when I drop off my kid because you all get up at 6am to look perfect for drop-off!?

I mean it’s okay as long as I’m not running late and I can do drive-thru drop off. Then the only one who sees me is the FIFTH GRADER who is working the valet line. And who cares what a fifth grader thinks? Okay, I do a little. But only a little!

God forbid, however, that I’m running late and I have to PARK AND WALK my kid in (yes this is actually faster than the drive-thru)! That’s when I have to walk through the GAGGLE of PERFECTLY COIFFED MOMMIES (like geese, mommies travel in gaggles).  Suddenly, I’m back in high school the day after I got a bad perm or had a major break-out. I FEEL LIKE ALL EYES ARE ON ME! It’s one of those SLO-MO moments in movies. I become hyper-aware of the flat side of my hair, the bags under my eyes sans concealer, and the work-out pants with the hole in them.

I don’t suppose I can get all you “super-together” mommies to change your ways to make me feel better about my “so not together” self, can I? I didn’t think so. And getting up the 60 45 minutes earlier it takes me these days to look presentable simply is not an option. Well, it is. But let’s face it. I’m too lazy or I wouldn’t be whining about all this to begin with. Guess I’ll just have to be sure that I’m NEVER, EVER, EVER LATE FOR DRIVE-THRU DROP-OFF.

Oh. And apologize in advance to that poor Fifth Grade Valet.  Sorry, kid. This time of morning, this is as good as it gets.