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Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

Author: toni

~ 05/07/09



Okay. I know Mammakaze normally deals with all issues “mommy”. That includes mommies who behave badly (see the Madlyn Primoff post in April).  But let’s face it. Bad parenting is bad parenting. And when I run across a case, whether it be bad mommies or bad daddies. I’ve got to put it out there.  


So here’s the story of a dad TODD MARCUM (41) in Salem, Oregon who was arrested for putting an electric dog collar on his FOUR KIDS (ages 3, 6, 8 and 9) and SHOCKING them!

Now while I admit I have researched the legalities of had innocent fantasies about implanting a lojack device into the scruff of Julia’s neck when she hits puberty, to date they have only been fantasies. AND these fantasies are bourne out of love and my need for at least 7 hours of worry-free REM sleep a night.

But THIS GUY? ! (heretofore known as BAD DADDY)…he wasn’t even doing this out of some misguided attempt at punishment after time-outs and groundings had failed. No, he wasn’t. WHY was he doing it you ask?  

Bad Daddy did it….are you bracing yourself?  BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY!

That’s right. He thought it was funny to push a button and see his kids CRY IN PAIN! as the result of an ELECTRIC SHOCK!

I don’t know the details about Bad Daddy, but what do you want to bet he was sitting in his Barcolounger, well into his second six-pack, with one hand tucked in his pants and the other on the remote button of the YAP-ZAPPER while All Star Wrestling played on his 18″ flatscreen! Then again, maybe he was behind his antique mahogany desk, halfway through a bottle of well-aged scotch, with one hand tucked in his vest pocket and the other on the button of the remote of the YAP-ZAPPER with the stock market banner crawling across the the top of his 52″ flat screen!

Either way. What a frigging A-HOLE! This guy is a FATHER? Some woman had four kids with him? Was she an idiot?! Was she chained to a wall in the basement? 

Hey, BAD DADDY! How about I wrap the shock collar around your family jewels and push the button on the YAP-ZAPPER and see how HILARIOUS that is? You don’t deserve the gift of children!

Holy Freakin’ Moly. Will people never cease to amaze me with the depths of their depravity?    Unfortunately … no.

This whole “incident” brings to mind that scene in the movie PARENTHOOD when Keanu Reeves says to Dianne Wiest, “You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car – hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they’ll let any %$#!@  asshole be a father.”*

No truer words were ever spoken. Well, except maybe, “DON’T COME ONE INCH CLOSER, BUSTER! I’m ovulating and I WILL NOT go through that breastfeeding nightmare again!”

So anyway, Bad Daddy currently sits in jail charged with four counts of criminal mistreatment, waiting for someone to post his $80,000 bail. Meanwhile the mother has custody of the kids, who are probably scared out of their minds cuz they know when “daddy” gets out…he’s gonna be in a real bad mood!



*I edited the above movie quote because I didn’t know if the term “butt-reaming” would offend the delicate sensibilities of my readers.


SIDE NOTE: A shout-out to Tim, husband of a mommy friend. While you are nowhere close to being in the same league as Bad Daddy above – teaching your preschool age son the “pull my finger and fart” thing – will get you a dishonorable mention.



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