When I was pregnant with Julia, I had delusional lovely fantasies of that FIRST YEAR TOGETHER after she was born.

I imagined her cooing sweetly in her basinette which I had pulled up next to the computer while I wrote the next great novel (HA!).  I imagined us taking long, cozy naps together on warm, sunny afternoons. (DOUBLE HA!). And I imagined her suckling gently at my breast, taking in the life-giving mother’s milk that provided her with brain and immune-boosting nutrients (which I used to know the names of because I read all those books but have since forgotten) and which was FREE! (HA! HA! HA!).

Well, needless to say NONE of that came to pass. I got no writing done for a year – well unless you count the time I scribbled “Help, I’m being held captive by an 8 week old infant!” in Desitin on the bathroom mirror at the Babies R Us. Julia didn’t nap unless I held her and paced the floor non-stop and even then it was only for 30 minutes, and I HAD to use the time to take a shower or risk Randy making good on his threat to hose me down. And the breastfeeding…

Well, a few weeks in we found out she couldn’t break down the sugars in my breast milk. So we had to switch to formula. But not just ANY formula. No. The ONLY formula her little delicate “clearly descended from royalty” system seemed able to tolerate was Nutramigen or “Liquid Gold” as we came to call it. So we went from FREE NATURE’S BREAST MILK to formula that cost us between $300 and $400 A MONTH! Oh yes it did!

Turned out she was worth it. But lemme tell you, at that price, the jury was out for a while.

QUESTION: Are we really bad moms if we don’t breast feed?