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Author: toni

~ 05/13/09

Welcome to MOVIE MATH! Where we review our movie-going experience and see if it ADDS UP to FAMILY FUN!

NOTE: These photos have nothing to do with the new Star Trek movie. William Shatner isn’t even in it. Their sole purpose is to show what a vicious, rat bastard “time” is.

STAR TREK (2009) – (PG-13)  Being a Star Trek fan from childhood (those after school reruns) who probably knows more about the franchise than most grown women should, I gotta say I ENJOYED IT! I did find the action sequences a little redundant. If I had to see Kirk hanging off a super-high platform one more time, I thought I was going to phaser my brains out. And not on the “stun” setting either. But the character stuff was fun. And they mostly did a good job of casting (LOVED Scotty and McCoy). Except it was weird that they cast Winona Ryder as Spock’s mom and put her in old age make-up. I kept wondering if she was sleeping with one of the producers or if this was some kind of “Hollywood-ized” community service.  Overall though, it was cool. Even Randy the perfekt husband liked it and he IS NOT a fan. They did a nice job of reinventing the franchise. There was enough “insider” stuff to please us old fans. And enough new stuff – and by that I mean young, hot-bodied stars, action and this new “bromance” stuff that’s all the rage in movies these days- to please the younger crowd. Would I take Julia (age 7)? No. Not because of the rating. But because I think the Romulans would have scared the crap out of her. But if your kid is braver and older, I would say it’s okay. There are a couple of sexually suggestive scenes. One where Kirk gets to second base with Uhura “accidentally” in a bar fight. And one when he’s trying to bed a “green” female alien. But if your kid keeps up with the Miley Cyrus gossip, this isn’t anything that’s going to shock them here. I don’t know about you, but I tend to be less uptight about sex than I am about violence in movies.  MOM + DAD + BRAVE KID (10+) = HOT SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER FUN 

THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE – (G)  Julia wasn’t gung-ho about seeing this. I think she’s kind of done with Hannah Montana and since Julia is the arbiter of all things popular, I think Miley and her people best start thinking about her “reinvention”. But on Mother’s Day we were at a loss as to what to do. And since I refused to give in to her demands to see “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past”  we went to see HANNAH MONTANA. And guess what?! It was a nice movie! Beautifully shot, with a lovely message. After Miley gets too big-headed with her Hannah stardom and has a catfight with Tyra Banks over a pair of shoes on Rodeo Drive, papa Billy Ray forces her to get back to her roots in Tennessee. Miley goes kicking and screaming but guess what? She figures out what’s really important in life – family, friends, and finding yourself again. And she manages to save the town along the way.  I know it’s all total fantasy because in real life 16 year-old Miley is a total diva who has a 20 year-old underwear model boyfriend who stays the night with her in her parents’ house. But, hey. If your kid, like mine, is oblivious to to the “reality”, you can still share the fantasy in this movie. And whatever you think of Miley Cyrus…that girl CAN SING! Nothing objectionable.  MOM + (PROBABLY GIRL) KIDS + NICE MESSAGE = DECENT MOVIEGOING EXPERIENCE FOR ALL AGES 

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