We’ve all had kids who, at one time or another, have had special attachments to their teachers. For Julia, she thought every word that escaped the mouth of her KINDERGARTEN TEACHER was law, set in stone, indisputable. Mom was WRONG. Teacher was ALWAYS RIGHT. That is, until they played FACT or FANTASY in class and her teacher put “fairies” into the FANTASY category. Well THAT ended THAT!  

With boys, sometimes they develop crushes on their FEMALE TEACHERS. Especially if said female teachers are on the young and cute side. We, as moms, smile at the innocent infatuation, knowing it’s part of the growing up process.

I mean, it’s such a common rite of passage that Van Halen immortalized it in a song. That lovely, sweet and eloquent ode to those selfless individuals who inspire and educate our kids called “HOT FOR TEACHER”.  (click the link for the music video).

But sometimes, that infatuation can go TERRIBLY WRONG!

Brace yourselves ‘cuz every mom’s FAVORITE NIGHTMARE TEACHER was back this weekend! And she put a new twist on that old Van Halen ballad!

Remember Mary Kay Letourneau? She was the married teacher and mother of four who, at 34 years old, had a sexual relationship with her 12 year-old student Vili Fuluaau. She got pregnant by him. Went to jail. Was released early on the condition she wouldn’t see him. Saw him anyway. Got pregnant again. Went back to jail to serve out the original sentence (several years).  Did her time. Got out. By then he was “of age” and they got married.

Wow. What a love affair. It makes that whole thing between Lara and Dr. Yuri Zhivago seem like a fleeting trifle.

Well, Letourneau is now 47 and Fuluaau is now 26. And I’m guessing that they’ve realized they can’t live on Oedipal dysfunction love. And since I doubt she’s still sporting her teaching credentials (I’m pretty sure the school board takes them away when you have sex with a 6th grader you’ve known since he was in 1st grade – unless you’re in France) AND since her husband has no discernible skills, other than his inability to JUST SAY NO – they’ve found a new way to make money!

This past Memorial Weekend, they hosted “Hot Teacher Night” at a sports bar in Seattle, Washington. Mary Kay emceed while Vili did the DJ-ing.

Isn’t that sweet? She’s encouraging him to follow his dreams like any mother, uh, wife, would.

Apparently there was a good turn-out. However, more people came to gape at Mary Kay than to listen to Vili spin records. And if that doesn’t cause tension at home, I don’t know what will. I mean, look what’s going on with Jon and Kate.  No one likes living in someone’s shadow.

The irony of the whole thing is that if Mary Kay and Vili started their fling just six years later -say when he was 18 and she was 40 – it would have been TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE. What with this whole COUGAR fad thing (I really HATE that term by the way).  It would have been looked upon in a Demi-Ashton, Madonna-Jesus the hot Latin dancer kind of way. Which, you know, as a woman I don’t think is necessarily bad. I mean, older men have been at it with younger women for years! Why shouldn’t women?

But as a mom. The whole thing CREEPS ME OUT and makes me ANGRY! Because statutory rape is rape. And you can’t tell me there wasn’t some kind of mental issue going on with this grown woman who had sex with a child. Then there’s the issue of her four children from her first marriage, whom she’s totally abandoned. (Their father moved them to Alaska). What kind of mother is she?!

And WHY is it okay for a sex offender to capitalize on their offense? Sure, she’s paid her debt to society. But in my neck of the woods, if there’s a sex offender living within a 5 mile radius, mothers practically grab pitchforks and torches (which I’m not necessarily condoning, I’m just saying). In this case, it’s fun and cute?!  People PAY to see her?! Are you kidding me?!

I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because the offender is a WOMAN and she married her victim. Then again, Woody and Soon-Yi are left pretty much to their own devices. But then yet again, they live in New York City. It’s kind of like the France of the East Coast. What with that French statue in the harbor and the bars being open all hours, right? And as you know the French have no problem with Roman Polanski. But then neither does Jack Nicholson. Oh, my head is spinning. It’s all so complicated.

All’s I can say is, if something like this ever happened with my kid. I’d be heading down to the Home Depot for that pitchfork.

WHERE DO YOU STAND ON THE WHOLE THING?