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Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

Author: toni

~ 06/02/09


Randy the perfekt husband constantly gives me crap about BEING TOO PARANOID. I see DISASTER lurking everywhere. The most innocent objects are potential tools of slaughter and mayhem.

He says it’s because of my dysfunctional upbringing which has resulted in my inability to trust or have faith in anything… I say it’s cuz I’m a mom.

The truth is, we moms HAVE to think 20 steps ahead to the gruesome possibilities. And even when we think we have thought of it all, something will still slip by us.

Case in point. The tragic death of Mike Tyson’s 4 year-old daughter EXODUS TYSON that was all over the news last week. (Don’t tell Randy I read about this because he HATES when I read anything that will fuel the already flaming madness of my mommy fear and paranoia.) Here you have a mother who I’m sure will forever blame herself for not seeing the dangling cord of a treadmill as the danger that it turned out to be. My heart goes out to her. I certainly don’t know that I would have seen the danger. A PLUGGED-IN treadmill yes….but this….

Still,  there are so many other seemingly innocuous items that look horrific to me. WHAT you ask? Follow me down the rabbit hole of my paranoid mommy mind as I present: 


1.  Flip Flops + Running + Asphalt = Subdural hematoma

2.  Open Hot Oven + Turned Back + Running Child = A visit to Grossman Burn Center

3.  Those little stick-in-the-ground 4th of July flags + KIDS in slippery water balloon fights = Glass eye

4.  Any and All Fireworks = Horrible disfigurement

5.  Open dishwasher with protruding utensil holder + dancing ballerina = Severed femoral artery

6.  Hello Kitty Sleep Mask + snoozing child = Strangulation

7.  Hot dogs, small rubber balls, marbles, popcorn + any child under 3 = Heimlich Maneuver

8.  And now… a treadmill + small child = TRAGEDY


I COULD GO ON – but I think you get the picture. (Yes, it sucks being me sometimes.)

And while I WILL admit that some of the above may be overboard, I KNOW that there are LOADS of MOMMIES out there who are just as paranoid as I am. Even if they won’t admit it.

The point is, we have to ALWAYS be on the lookout. You don’t have to live in paranoid fear like me. Just use common sense. Since summer is upon us, it seems like the perfect time for a refresher on the COMMON SENSE OF CHILD SAFETY. So if I may re-state the obvious:


  • ALWAYS always use a car seat as legally required by your state. Don’t go by weight. Go by height, that’s what counts. Look on your state’s government safety website for the specifics.
  • DON’T let young children sit in the front seat unless you have a newer car that “reads” the passengers weight and disengages the airbag when someone small is in it. But know it’s always safer for a child to ride in the BACK SEAT.
  • ALWAYS  have your kids wear a helmet when biking, scootering, skateboarding or any such activity.
  • DO NOT let your child stand up in a SHOPPING CART.
  • ALWAYS have your child wear a LIFE VEST when on a boat.
  • Don’t over-fill pools with floating toys as children can get caught beneath them.
  • WATCH your children carefully when swimming. Especially in community pools where you can easily get distracted and there so many children in the pool.
  • Make sure all cords for BLINDS and APPLIANCES are out of reach of children.
  • ALWAYS LOOK BEHIND your car when backing out of a driveway. Go SLOWLY. Kids can come out of nowhere.
  • Keep any and all machinery, tools, exercise equipment secured and away from children.
  • If you have a gun in the house…GET RID OF IT!


I always remember that line that Mickey Rourke said to William Hurt in the movie BODY HEAT:

Mickey: Any time you try a decent crime, you got fifty ways you’re gonna %$#@ up. If you think of twenty-five of them, then you’re a genius… and you ain’t no genius. 

I know I ain’t no genius. For everything we mommies think of, there are a million things we don’t think of.  Accidents WILL happen. Ask my mom who, during the course of raising 5 kids (4 of them boys!), had to deal with: a serious iron burn, broken limbs, a foot stuck in hot tar, countless stitches, a sewer lid cover-induced hernia, and knocked-out front teeth – among other things.

Still, we can try to be as prepared as possible. That would help to give us peace of mind. And Randy’s right, a little faith wouldn’t hurt either.

For more information…go to 


Have a safe and happy and paranoia-free summer.

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  1. How did we EVER survive as kids? We didn’t have safety helmets and all the regalia a kid has to wear today just to go out and safely play. Don’t get me started; we also had lead paint, etc. etc. Wow,
    I’m shocked we made it to be mommies!

    Comment by MomofMaci — June 3, 2009 @ 12:03 am

  2. Mike Tyson’s daughter’s death is so tragic. And yes, it does make a person feel like danger is lurking everywhere. My big paranoia is hot beverages. I worry that someone is going to carelessly leave a hot cup of coffee near one of my daughters. I suspect that now that I am a mom, I’m never going to stop worrying about freak accidents.

    Comment by Maureen — June 3, 2009 @ 10:29 pm

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