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Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

Author: toni

~ 07/20/09


Okay. Before any of you start in on me about Julia’s make-up in this picture. No – there isn’t some freaky Jon-Benet thing going on here. She had just done her dance recital for which her DANCE INSTRUCTOR said they needed to wear make-up so that they wouldn’t look washed-out on stage. FYI- she’s not allowed to wear make-up otherwise.

So now that you’ve put down your pitchforks and torches… I have a story. As usual.  

Julia was standing in her bathroom the other day, brushing her hair.

She looked at herself in the mirror, her hair pulled back off her forehead, at which point she said:


JULIA: HOLY COW! Where the HECK did I get all that forehead?!

ME: Uh. Well, sweetie. You get that from both me AND daddy.

JULIA: You guys gave this to me?

ME: Well, yeah. Everything you have comes from me or daddy or both.

JULIA: (shooting me a “this-is-another-thing-I-can-blame-you-for-in-therapy-years-from-now” scowl ) Oh.


Rats. She noticed. It’s this current obsession she has with growing her bangs out.  

Yes. It’s true. Her father and I (okay mainly me) are members of the high-forehead genus. You’ve seen us around. Rihanna’s one. Calista Flockhart. That guy who played the biology teacher in FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH. With her genetic DOUBLE WHAMMY, Julia is likely to end up with a forehead that falls into the Christina Ricci realm.

The bottom line. I knew it was coming…that forehead…on her.  All I had to do was look in the mirror. I mean, you always hope that some recessive “less forehead” gene will kick in. But I think like brown eyes, curly hair and the proclivity toward polishing off a whole bag of chips in one sitting, high foreheads are dominant.

But what’s the big deal anyway? While I was not always happy with the size of my forehead, I got along okay. So I can’t pull off the baseball cap look… I never had trouble getting a date! And I HAVE NEVER, NOT ONCE said anything negative about it in front of Julia. It has been my goal to make sure she grows up with healthy self-image and self-esteem… which, as you’re probably guessing from this post… I DID NOT.

So I told Julia how beautiful I think her forehead is. How it’s a sign of higher intelligence (well, except in the case of Rihanna who stayed with a guy who hit her).  And how beautiful she is in general. And smart, and talented and kind… And I meant it all with all my heart. To me she is the most beautiful thing walking the planet. My words seemed to help…some. But I’ve since caught her covertly checking out her forehead in the mirror. (How early this self-critical stuff kicks in! I think I’ll blame it on the objectification of women in advertising like everyone else and do a post on it later).

Yet, I still felt guilty. Yep. Guilty for passing on what she may grow to consider a less than desirable trait. I know, I KNOW… in the grand scheme of things it’s not a big deal. I mean she’s a healthy kid after all. And believe you me, I’m soooo grateful for that. Still, let’s face it…it’s what we mommies do. I mean, besides the cooking and cleaning and the packing for EVERYONE when we go on long trips… we feel guilt. About everything!

This “forehead guilt” got me to thinking. I guess all us parents pass on something to our kids that we wish we didn’t. And I’m not talking about genetic predisposition to illnesses. That goes without saying.

I’m talking about characteristics. Physical, emotional, talents or lack thereof. (The big nose, the tone-deafness, the inability to catch a ball if your life depended on it which leads to torturous years in P.E. class.)

I’m not the only one, right? There are others of you out there! I KNOW there are. I’ve talked to many mommies about this.  WHAT ABOUT YOU?



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  1. Oh Mammakaze, you make me laugh and that is a great way to start out the day! In the scheme of things, a high forehead is much better than say a “big butt”. You and Miss Julia are both beautiful people
    not only on the outside but on the inside (where it really counts in my book).

    Comment by MomofMaci — July 21, 2009 @ 4:44 am

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