We have a problem in our home. Wherever I go, wherever I look, I come across shoes! Various breeds. Mules. Sandals. But mostly FLIP-FLOPS. Little girl with big feet size 2’s.

It’s true. They are proliferating. If I didn’t know better, I would swear they’re humping like rabbits and creating more of themselves. 

Remember that episode of the old Star Trek series “The Trouble With Tribbles”? It’s like that. Left to their own devices, they just multiply. I’m certain I’m going to open the cupboard one day and be pelted about the head and neck with hundreds of cascading shoes…each their own little individual rubber, cork or leather-soled bombardier.

 

The fact that they’re slightly smaller than adult shoes DOES NOT make them any less formidable…or irritating.

 

Just the other day I told Julia to remove the two pair of shoes she had left by the side of my tub (one of their favorite watering holes). When I came back 5 minutes later…there were THREE PAIR! I freaked out! How could that happen?! 

 

In case you weren’t aware of the migratory patterns of shoes, particularly the sandal and flip-flop breeds, they start out in their natural habitat, the shoe rack of the closet, and slowly but surely find their way to remote places like, oh, behind the sofa. Under the club chair. On the stairs. Next to the fridge. Right in the middle of the hallway. And yes, in PACKS by the tub.  (See photo RIGHT)

 

Not since man made his way from Mesopotamia across the Bering Strait into North America has there been such widespread migration of any species…or in this case…objects. 

 

One might think it’s all harmless. But like bunny rabbits that are cute yet multiply and ultimately blight gardens and flower beds — shoes bring their own form of mayhem.

Tripping is one. When you turn and find a shoe unexpectedly underfoot, suddenly you’re spinning your arms for balance. Kids think it’s funny to see an adult do this. Adults, not so much. Hip replacement is not on my TO DO LIST…not just yet.

Unsightliness too. I don’t care what you say. No matter how pretty or blingy or strappy the shoes are, they are an eyesore when strewn around formal living rooms and just plain unsanitary in kitchens. Also, they do not present a good impression when visitors come. Folks’ll think you’re untidy or just plain lazy. Because shoes belong on feet and in shoe racks! Or as the Japanese do it, outside the house.

 

The solution? Okay. Some of you might find this cruel. But occasionally, I find that I must THIN THE HERD. It’s true. When Julia isn’t around, I remove some of the shoes. I separate the weaker ones (ones missing a bauble, scuffed, too small, perhaps a tad smelly) from the herd. And then…okay I admit it… I put them in a plastic bag and…

NO! I DON’T THROW THEM IN A RIVER! Although lemme tell you, I have been tempted. But I’m a fairly “green” mommy. So, I give them to Goodwill. Because I know that there is some other child out there that hasn’t had the luxury to have the experience that Julia has had…to have enough shoes to make IMELDA MARCOS green with envy.

And let’s be honest, every little girl deserves to know what that feels like. Okay. Every BIG GIRL too.