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Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

Author: toni

~ 08/04/09


Because this movie becomes available today, and also because I’m still sick…we’re switching Review Day Thursday to today! 

Welcome to MOVIE MATH where we review a movie and see if it adds up to family fun.

RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN – For those of you willing to admit your age, you’ll also admit seeing the original 1975 film ESCAPE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN upon which this film is based. Well, that one featured Eddie Albert as an old guy who helps the TWO ALIEN KIDS meet back up with the mother ship after their ship crashes on Earth. In this 2009 update the old guy character has been replaced by someone younger and more buff: None other than DWAYNE JOHNSON. You know him as THE ROCK, a name he obviously took because, well, Dwayne probably didn’t play well in a wrestling ring against guys like THE KIDNEY CRUSHER and DOC DOOM.  

Anyway, The Rock, now known as Dwayne, plays a Las Vegas cabbie with a questionable past: he’s an ex-con whose grand-theft-auto days are behind him. So naturally when SETH and SARA, two alien kids in human form being chased by BAD ALIENS, step into his cab, well, their choice couldn’t be better cuz guess what?! Dwayne knows how to drive! Faster than aliens even.

This movie takes place in Las Vegas which is perfect because aliens could walk down the strip and not draw attention. Anyway, there happens to be a UFO convention in town, attended by loads of WACKOS. One of them is CARLA GUGINO (the go-to actress for brainy, supporting female roles) who plays an astrophysicist who has lost all street cred because she believes in UFOs. Dwayne meets her at the beginning of the movie so that later, when it becomes clear to him that Seth and Sara are indeed aliens (they levitate stuff and smash cars with their stationary bodies), he seeks out Carla’s help in the matter.

She’s well-connected in the science and military worlds. So natch, she engages the government’s help in getting the kids to Witch Mountain where their crashed ship is before Bad Aliens capture them and take over the Earth. Or something like that.

Really, does it matter eactly what the plot is? It’s about car chases and crashed spacecraft and groovy special effects and really cute kids who have alien powers. For the adults, the relationship between Dwayne and Carla is fun and ends interestingly. And to be honest, for a former wrestler, that Dwayne Johnson is not only some sweet eye candy…he has some good comic timing. He has succeeded in family movies where VIN DIESEL has failed. Maybe Vin ought to drop the fake name, like Dwayne did. Are you hearing me MARK?

I wouldn’t have necessarily recommended this movie on the big screen. Mostly because that’s a lot of money to plunk down for a movie that isn’t that memorable. But for family night in front of the 15″ TV, with popcorn and koolaid (oh wait, that’s my childhood)… for a night in front of the 52″ flat screen with popcorn and a 6 pack of Rock Star, you could do a lot worse. (Available today on dvd).


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