I’ve got a bone to pick with Hollywood. Yeah, YOU facade face! Usually la-la land is so out of touch with reality that they glamorize things – you know, like homelessness (“Where the Day Takes You”) or crack addicts (“Halle Barry in “Losing Isaiah”).

Well, it appears they have tried to do the opposite with this new flick called “MOTHERHOOD” starring Uma Thurman. And they’ve just made a mess.

Yeah, you read that right. Uma Thurman is playing the haggard, multi-tasking, stay-at-home mom of two kids. Already I’ve got an issue with the casting. I mean, do you think someone named Uma, who is engaged to a billionaire and who once had Mick Jagger calling her house incessantly when she was still married to Ethan Hawke, has any concept of what it’s like to be a REAL mom?

Uh, no. If you don’t believe me CLICK to see her comments on how she deals with the stresses of motherhood.

Nope. Uma’s 5-star version of parenting likely has never put her actually in the trenches (i.e., grocery store aisles with a five year-old ramming her ankles while trying to drive the cart, crowded pediatrician offices during flu season or wait-listed for the Parks and Rec preschool that’s in such demand because it’s cheap).

And because she is Uma Thurman and has Uma Thurman’s life and body, she feels the need to  de-glamorize… to “act” the part of a mother as you will witness in the following trailer…

Nice, huh? Not since the whole “mom jeans” thing (see that post) have I been so offended as a mom.

I mean, who does she think she is? Charlize Theron in “Monster”? Nicole Kidman in “The Hours”? Does she think frumping herself up (mousing up her hair and donning glasses) will sell her as a mom? I don’t know any moms like this. This is a stereotype. Like my friend Erin (who first pointed out this trailer to me) said – all that’s missing in this portrayal is a pair of geeky glasses with the tape in the bridge. Although those glasses are pretty geeky. But like Clark Kent and Superman, a pair of stupid eyeglasses isn’t gonna convince me that she isn’t Uma Thurman, face of Givenchy.

The fact that this movie was written and directed by a woman – a mom no less – just makes me sad. It’s one thing for Judd Apatow to create a caricature of a woman (KNOCKED UP) but e tu, lady? Really?

Normally I’m not one to judge a book by its cover, but I know that Hollywood marketing departments pull out all the stops to make a movie appealing. Studios spend millions to get people in the theaters. So, you know they’re gonna put their best lines and moments in the trailer to get people in those seats. And if what I saw are the “highlights” of the film…well, UGH.

If lines like,” I’d like to shove my carbon footprint up your…” are as good as it gets, I think the studio is gonna learn a new definition of “stay-at-home moms”.

I agree with the director that the world could use an interesting portayal of the unsung heroes known as moms. But this ain’t it. For that to happen we’d need Jane Campion teaming up with a younger Meryl Streep. But since that’s not going to happen for obvious time travelling issues, we’ll have to keep waiting.

Sorry, Uma. No sale.