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Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

Author: toni

~ 11/23/09


Okay. Here’s the deal. I read my daughter’s diary. I know. The ultimate violation! But she’s only 7! And I thought, what does she have to hide?

And I only did it because she made such a big deal out of me not peeking while she was writing. And I thought I was going to open the pages and find something precocious and cute that I would want to save for her childhood box for the future.

And guess what I found out? There’s a boy in her class who is picking on her.

She wrote,” I like school because I am good at math. I don’t like school because GEORGE (fake name) insults me.”

I told Randy the perfekt husband about it. Here’s how that went.


ME: There’s a boy in school who is picking on Julia.

RANDY: Mind your own business.

ME: But I don’t like the idea of a kid picking on her.

RANDY: What’d you think? She’d get through school without getting picked on? Everyone gets picked on. It’s how you get tough for life. Mind your own business.


Thanks, Dr. Spock for that insightful feedback. If only I’d adopted that attitude earlier, I could’ve saved lots of $$$ on the swimming lessons. We could have just THROWN HER into the deep end and forced her to sink or swim.

Okay. Maybe this situation isn’t exactly life or death. But I hear something like this and my inner mommy lioness wants to bare its fangs…and claws…and RIP something to shreds.

So now I turn to the REAL PROS out there…my MAMMAKAZES. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Should I say something to my daughter about this? If I do, she’ll know I read her diary. And I don’t want her to think I’m the kind of mom who snoops…even if I am. I mean, what’s more important, that she feel I trust her or that I box this boy in the ears for picking on my kid? And if I don’t say anything, can I assume she can handle it by herself? That she will become a stronger person for it? Or maybe pacify myself with weak self-assurances  that the boy “likes” her and that’s why he torments her? After all, I sported skinned knees all through third grade courtesy of Steve Vilisic who would come up behind me and push me to the ground and run off. Turned out it was his idea of courting. He probably has a restraining order against him today.

Anyway, I know it could be worse. It’s not like what I might find in her diary during the teenage years – like that she’s sneaking out at night and partying with her 23 year-old boyfriend who was just initiated into the Hell’s Angels. Or that she’s smoking cigarettes. Or has decided to become an actress. I mean. She’s just being insulted by another 7 year-old. And for all I know this means that’s he’s calling her “four-eyes”. She wears glasses.

Ah, the dilemma of trying to be a good mom in spite of having behaved like a bad mom. I’m pretty sure this was an after school special or featured on an episode of The Brady Bunch or Mr. Belvidere. But I’m too lazy to do a search on Youtube. So instead I’m asking you…



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  1. My two cents worth . . . I wouldn’t tell her that you read her diary, but I WOULD try to give her some conversation starters that might get her talking about it. Ask her more about her friends. You could even just ask her if there are any kids at school that she has a hard time with and see what she says. If you watch TV together, there might even be an incident in a show where you can talk about relationships and friendship. This sounds trite to say, so sorry!, but I would try to not get too worked up about it at this point. Maybe she was just working out what to write in her diary, and she knows that she should write something “juicy” in it!? Who knows? But I know that this is a really challenging issue for a mom because a friend of mine is going through the same thing, only with an older child. She wants to take names too! Breathe and try to stay sane.

    Comment by mamabee43 — November 23, 2009 @ 11:31 am

  2. You could try to bring up the subject of bullying and harassment, in a VERY roundabout way, perhaps even taking days to fully talk about it, and then gauge Julia’s reaction. If she tells you about the boy at school, you could then ask her how much it bothers her, and if you could help. BTW, you will alter the parent-child relationship if you continue to snoop. After my parents started going through my stuff, I NEVER told them another thing I did not have to. My two sisters and other contemporaries of mine reacted the same way. I really think this is a prime reason parents find teenagers so closed off and unwilling to communicate. Children learn to trust by being trusted. They learn to hide behavior when behavior is hidden from them. B

    Comment by bruce — November 23, 2009 @ 11:40 am

  3. Okay, this is a tough one. It goes against every Mama Bear instinct to keep mum about seeing this in her diary, but I think you nailed it when you brought up the trust thing. It’s more important that she feels you trust her. In the long haul (and by long haul I mean when she’s 13 and things really get scary), I think this will serve you better than letting her know you’d be willing to put a hit out on a second grader.
    If it makes you feel any better, maybe she can turn these experiences into something artful later on:

    Comment by mommymarchbanks — November 23, 2009 @ 11:47 am

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