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Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

Author: toni

~ 12/11/09


I haven’t chimed in on the Tiger Woods thing the last few days because frankly, it was just getting too gross for me. I mean, hookers, three-ways, drug-fueled sex binges. And you know what’s the worst thing about it? No, not that there are now TWELVE WOMEN (including cocktails waitresses, hookers and porn stars). The fact that HE NEVER USED A CONDOM.

You know, if I was his wife, this would be the single most infuriating thing. I would forgive him his doggishness before I would forgive the fact that he risked the health of me and my children. Cuz don’t kid yourself, that’s what he did.  

The guy had sex with a stripper at his bachelor party! And he’s been screwing around the whole time he was with his wife. Including when they were conceiving. He could have given her AIDS. She could have, in turn, passed this on to their children. As far as I’m concerned, his behavior was reckless and he risked the lives of innocent kids.  All for his gratification. What a pig.

I don’t know if ELIN will stay with him. If she has any self respect, she won’t. But then $80 million dollars and the upper hand for the rest of their marriage is a LOT to pass up. Even I’d have to think twice.  Leaving him might be a stupider move than when Julianna Margulies passed up that 3 year $27 million dollar “ER” contract to “do movies”. We know how that turned out…cough, cough, SNAKES ON A PLANE, cough.

But then, Julianna wasn’t so publicly humiliated. There are rumors that Elin is thinking about staying with Tiger because she doesn’t want her kids to be a product of divorce like she was. Sounds like PR spin to me. As I said, I suspect she’s won the upper hand on the prenup and is calling the shots which, if she is smart, includes only “acting” married in public and having nothing to do with him in private. Whatever. It’s her life and she has to decide what is right for her and her children. At the very least she shouldn’t let him near her without a clean bill of health and a condom or two or three.

In any case TIGER who, as it turns out is actually more like THE COWARDLY LION, has finally made his apology. We all knew it was coming. It’s what these guys DO. After they’ve consulted their attorneys, PR guys and handlers for the best way to word it. And know what? I believe him. I believe he’s is extremely sorry….that he got caught and that it threatens his career and his billion dollar empire. Because that’s where guys like this hurt most…in the ego.

Here’s how the apology went. The strikeouts – as usual- are the subtext courtesy of MAMMAKAZE.

“I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children and NIKE my $100 million dollar endorsement contract,” Woods said. “I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry that I got caught and that I ask forgiveness although I shouldn’t have to because well, I’m Tiger Woods and should be able to do whatever the hell I want because I’m the greatest golfer in the world. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done especially to my career and my potential to break golfing records and make a boatload of money in the process, but I want to do my best to try like so many horndogs before me.”

The PGA Tour said it supported the decision by its biggest star.

“His priorities are where they need to be, and we will continue to respect and honor his family’s request for privacy although it totally screws us because he’s the only reason people even watch the boring game of golf to begin with,” PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem said in a statement, the tour’s first public comment since Woods mentioned his “personal failings” on Dec. 2. “We look forward to Tiger’s return to the PGA Tour when he determines the time is right for him and it better damn well be soon or we’ll be back to $45,000 purses and ratings lower than the reruns of The Golden Girls.”.

One of Woods’ favorite playing partners also said it was the right thing to do.

“I think it’s great that he’s going to put his family first and work things out,” Steve Stricker said from Naples, Fla. “Golf will always be there albeit it no one will tune in and we’ll all be forced to sell our mansions and move back into 3 bedroom split-levels in Ohio. He wants to make sure his marriage is right and everything is good on the homefront by buying off his wife and all the hookers who are crawling out of the woodwork. We’ll sure miss him on tour until he gets things taken care of. Because let’s face it, without Tiger we’ll be back to teaching old guys in yellow pants how to improve their golf swings.”


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  1. This trainwreck was completely, and I mean COMPLETELY predictable. Tiger has been under such pressure and media scrutiny since he was 2 years old that only when he had the means was he able to go haywire. Most young men find their freedom at age 15 or so; they date, play the field, get drunk, and generally go nuts for a few years before settling down, although this doesn’t always happen! Tiger probably had never even been on a date before Stanford, and while there he even had the media examining his girlfriend. And maybe not even much of a date, having to practice golf 4-5 hours a day in addition to his studies. This is not an excuse, just an explanation.
    Look at poor Michelle Wie. What is a young person to do with all those adolescent hormones running amuck? Her parents put such pressure on her that she couldn’t even DATE without one of them as a chaperone. This is another trainwreck in the works, but that’s another story.

    Comment by bruce — December 14, 2009 @ 1:32 pm

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