To quote Chris Isaak if he had a uterus and had given birth, Mommy did a bad, bad thing.

I downloaded a song marked EXPLICIT onto my daughter’s iPod. I know. You perfekt mommies are yelling for blood! For me to be drawn and quartered. But know that I did not make this decision lightly.

See, Julia and I share an iPod. It’s actually hers, a gift from her dad for some stellar academic achievement or other.  I know, you’re thinking, what the heck can an 8 year-old do to deserve a $150 gift when it’s not even Christmas – complete her PhD? I asked the same thing because all I got when I came home with straight A’s was an order to set the table for dinner. So lemme tell you, there was some heated discussion between Randy the perfekt husband and me about who is truly the bigger spoiler in our house. But that’s for another post.

Right now, the issue at hand is the game of Russian Roulette I’m playing by having a song featuring the F bomb available to my daughter…. should she happen to find it. 

As I was saying, we share an iPod because she’s never gonna use up all that memory – even if she downloaded every Kidz Bop CD in the world, which she won’t because she’s soooo over them. It’s Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber now…singing with Ludacris! What the, what the?!? Who the heck thought of that?!

But I digress… AGAIN! The point is we never need the iPod at the same time. I’m on the computer most of the day, so if I want to hear my playlist I’ll just open iTunes and listen from there. And the only other time I use it is when I exercise and I always do that when she’s at school.

So you see, there is no need to have two iPods. Unless of course, mommy’s downloaded some songs with naughty lyrics.

But what was I gonna do? See, there’s this Staind song called “It’s Been a While” that’s one of my all time favorites. I wanted it on my playlist. So I went to the iTunes store and found it. Or rather, found them. The two versions. One edited and one marked EXPLICIT.

As I was about to hit the BUY button, a debate raged in my soul between my inner mommy that wants what’s right for my kid and my inner artist that is a true believer in freedom from censorship! Frankly, I was a little surprised that latter part was even still there.

See, that part of me has been terribly repressed since I’ve become a mom. I’ve done nothing BUT censor myself since bringing a child into my world. No more horror films. No more late night, swinging from the chandelier (or ceiling fan to be suburbia accurate) loud monkey loving. Not even the occasional sh*# when I stub my toe on that stupid sleigh bed. (Who designed that foot hazard anyway? If you’re reading, my three broken toes HATE you!)

Ultimately, I don’t know what it was. My excitement at finding out I still had a rebellious streak. Or maybe the frustration that I had put so much of who I am on the back burner for so long for my kid.

Oh, okay. I’ll admit it! It wasn’t either of those. It was the fact that both versions were $1.29! I mean, they’re asking the SAME PRICE for a version that’s missing some of its original lyrics?!  Hello? If I bought a puzzle at Toys R Us and there were missing pieces, I’d expect a discount! But noooooo. iTunes wanted FULL PRICE for what was essentially, a defective version.  Well, poop on that. If some parts of myself have regressed since becoming a mommy, at least I’ve honed my shopping skills to perfection. And I will not overpay for anything.

So, I did it. I clicked to BUY the EXPLICIT version.

My heart pounded as I watched it download. And I quickly and covertly added it to my playlist, feeling pretty confident that Julia would never venture near it. Well, unless of course there might be something on there that piques her interest. Like that big fat “EXPLICIT” that follows the title of the song. Dang it! Ugh. There I go censoring myself again. Aaaarrrrgh!

Okay. I’m thinking an iPod would make a very nice Mother’s Day present.