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Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

Author: toni

~ 04/22/10


Before my guy readers out there complain about this list, please note that it was sent in by a guy reader.

As a woman, I thought it was kind of amusing in the way that things that have more than a kernel of truth tend to be. The author is anonymous but I guess I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that it was a woman. Because, you know, it’s insightful and sarcastic in the way that only women tend to be.



  • You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
  • You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
  • You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
  • Your last name stays put.
  • Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  • Chocolate is just another snack.
  • Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  • You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
  • Same work, more pay.
  • Wrinkles add character.
  • Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100.
  • One mood all the time.
  • A five-day vacation only requires one suitcase.
  • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  • If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
  • Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
  • The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
  • Your belly usually hides your big hips.
  • One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
  • You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
  • And finally, you can be President.


There you have it. The list left off the obvious like, no PMS, no menstrual cramps, no labor pains, and no body-altering pregnancies. And then there’s the whole “no responsibility for birth control” thing. Oh and the fact that men seem immune to the feelings of angst and guilt over having to choose between work and family and being spread so thin that you feel you’re failing miserably at both. And, oh, yeah. Those mini pads with wings. I mean, if you don’t put them on exactly right, when you take them off it’s kind of like ripping a bandage off a hairy arm, if you get my meaning. OUCH!

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