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Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass


Author: toni

~ 05/10/10

As I am  scrambling to get back on the blogging wagon after a lovely Mother’s Day weekend that included a trip to La Quinta Resort and Spa  in Palm Springs (thanks Randy and Julia) I thought I’d post an oldie but goodie video.

This video has been around for a while. But every once in a while (usually after a trip to the nearby nail salon) I get a hankerin’ for it. And for anyone who has had a mani, a pedi or both – and hopefully you did for Mother’s Day weekend because when are you ever going to have time otherwise – you might find it humorous.

Here’s comedienne ANJELAH JOHNSON  recounting her experience at a nail salon. 

And hopefully you won’t find it objectionable.  It doesn’t seem so to us at Mammakaze. It’s not mean-spirited after all.  And no one complained when they did a similar thing on Seinfeld. Anyhoo, I’m sure my readers will let me know quite LOUDLY if it upsets their delicate sensibilities. Not that my readers have those or, you know, they probably wouldn’t be my readers.  But in case you’re not sure if it’s okay to laugh at this, CLICK on this link: RACIALIOUS

 

 

COMING UP THIS WEEK: WHEN GOOD MOMMIES GET BAD MOTHER’S DAY GIFTS

 

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Author: toni

~ 05/07/10

 

Ever feel like you’re the only thing holding it all together?  

That’s because you are.

 

Here’s hoping that everyone else in your life recognizes that fact and has duly compensated you on this, your day.

A special shout out to all the “mommies” – friends and family –  in my life. YOU ROCK!

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Author: toni

 

Well, you didn’t think we’d forget to post a cocktail in honor of Mother’s Day did you? Please… if there’s one way a MAMMAKAZE likes to be honored, it’s with a guilt-reducing cocktail.

And if there’s one day that we mommies should be allowed to let go of the guilt it should be MOTHER’S DAY…….

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! As if!

Okay. So we agree that there’s no way we can EVER totally let go of the guilt.  But we can take the edge off a little.  Hence,  I return to the topic at hand –  this lovely little Mommy-inspired cocktail. What about it screams MOMMY!?

Well, it’s pink. And two of the ingredients are GIN and ROSES. Yep. I thought you’d like that. Now if only your perfekt hubby would  get a clue and drop a little diamond something in it, it could actually be , dare I say it, “perfect”.

Rose Petal Martini
 

Ingredients:

1-1/2 shots gin

1/2 cup lychee juice

Rose petal for garnish

Directions:

Shake ingredients and strain into a chilled martini glass.

Garnish with a rose petal (preferably one from 100’s strewn across the bed in the hotel room of your favorite spa and resort that your hubby surprised you with on this, the weekend honoring the fact that you grew a whole human inside your body without regard as to what it would do to your figure or your sex life.)

 

 

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY MAMMAKAZES!

 

And remember, don’t feel guilt and drive… or parent.

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Author: toni

~ 05/06/10

 

Still haven’t figured out what to get the mom in your life for Mother’s Day? Well, get on the ball, why don’t you? It’s this Sunday!

Meanwhile, why don’t you send out a “personalized” video. Yes, the folks at MomsRising.org (a worthwhile organization by the way) and CNNBC, who were behind the personalized Mother of the Year videos last year, have created another REALLY COOL video in time for Mother’s Day.

Here’s what you do:

CLICK ON THIS LINK.  It will take you to their website (you can see a sample video).

Type in the Name and E-Mail Address of the Mom(s) of Your Choice

They will then forward a personalized video featuring that mom’s name.

 

It’s very funny and fun.  And the moms in your life will LOVE IT!

But DON’T think it’ll replace flowers or jewelry or a spa weekend. I mean come on! Get it together people. Let’s see some effort here!

Oh. And have a lovely Mother’s Day.

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Author: toni

~ 05/05/10

 

Welcome to movie math where we take a look at a movie and see if it ADDS UP to family fun… and is worth the outrageous prices they’re charging in the theaters these days!

FURRY VENGEANCE - Despite the fact that I had to explain the concept of vengeance to Julia and that it stars Brendan Fraser the reigning king of movie crap, I took my kid to see this film. More accurately, I was elected to take her. And all because I made the mistake of  giggling at the trailers. (Sue me, I find silly animals funny). Randy the perfekt husband took that to mean that I wouldn’t mind being the parental sacrifice on the altar of really bad movie-making. It was simply a momentary lapse in sanity. And I had to pay for it by sitting through this abomination.

Let’s begin by saying, Brendan Fraser continues on a streak that started way back with GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE, was followed over the last few years with the likes of BEDAZZLED,  INKHEART and now this.  The difference now is that Brendan Fraser used to at least be  nice eye candy for mommy to look at. But in this movie. HOLY MOLY! He looks like someone who needs an all-you-can-eat buffet intervention. The guy is only 41 years old but he’s so out of shape, bloated and entirely unhealthy. Normally I don’t comment on the appearance of an actor. But  he spends a scary portion of the movie running around shirtless or wearing Brooke Shield’s too-small jogging suit with YUM YUM across the butt. Yeah, someone, he or the director, decided to make fun of all his jiggly parts. And I gotta tell you, like everything else in this movie, it was trying too hard. Or maybe it wasn’t hard enough.

Look, I appreciate the whole preserve nature theme. Frankly, I wish it was pushed at our kids as much as the “you can be a secret world famous pop star if you only follow your dream” theme that’s on every Nick and Disney show. But is it too much to ask to write a decent story, with some intelligence, instead of this insulting piece of drivel?

Bottom line, the kids DID  laugh. Well, little kids laughed. Know why? Because kids think that farts, pee and poop are funny. Also skunks spraying. Sprinklers shooting into people’s crotches. And Brendan Fraser, as naked as he could possibly be without violating some ratings law, bathing in tomato juice while wearing a red bra for a group of construction workers to see. Yep. It’s like.

A GOOD MESSAGE BURIED IN A MESS OF A FILM + LOTS OF SCATOLOGICAL HUMOR = A LAUGH FEST, BUT ONLY FOR THE MOST IMMATURE IN YOUR PARTY

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Author: toni

~ 05/02/10

Here at MAMMAKAZE we’re all about helping marriages (in addition to getting you over all that mommy guilt you’re carrying and providing yummy recipes for cocktails).

So check out the following ad for a marriage saving blanket. I’m not sure who invented it. I suspect those guys who created that amazing Snuggie, or the Chia Pet.

Now I’m not pointing fingers. I definitely don’t think it’s always the men who have this problem. I’m just sayin’, if you do, and that BEANO isn’t working, might want to invest in one of these babies.

Now if only there was something that would eradicate snoring. And blanket hogging.  Oh and ESPN. Can anyone do anything about THAT? Surely there’s a guy at a Radio Shack somewhere who has the perfect inexpensive solution. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

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