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Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

Author: toni

~ 09/26/10


Okay. Seriously. I wasn’t going to say anything about this. But really, it has gotten soooo ridiculous. I know you’ve all heard about the controversy of the Katy Perry appearance on Sesame Street. If not  SEE VIDEO BELOW.

Anyway, they pulled it from the show because of her dress, which reveals  a little bit of cleavage. Apparently some Mommies thought it was outrageous, horrific, and the stuff from which sluts are made.  Are you kidding me?

Okay she’s not wearing an Edwardian high neck collar, but seriously, BANNING THE VIDEO? Uh, I think not.



1) I have seen plenty of mommies at after school pick-up wearing more revealing attire on a hot day!

2) You know the audience for this show sees more breast than this everyday at meal time!

3) Uh, Miss Piggy went there first (see picture above). That little tart of a piglet!


What do you want to bet these commplaining mommies are the same ones that have no problem with their kids blowing away zombies all day on a video game. Violence is okay, but a women has cleavage and OMG!

To all this I simply have to offer my usual response…. Sigh.



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Author: toni

~ 09/23/10


This week was parent/teacher conference week at my kid’s school and I think all you MAMMAKAZES out there know what that means.  Five days worth of early dismissal days, minimum days and don’t even come to school at all days!

For a kid, that’s heaven. For a mom who works as a freelance writer from home and gets paid when she actually completes her projects, well, not so much heaven.

I did schedule some playdates which are a work-at-home mom’s version of a free babysitter. I don’t know if that’s true for moms with boys, but I have a girl and the girls pretty much play nicely and entertain themselves. I usually only ever have to look up from my computer keyboard to do little things like replace a battery in Barbie’s Dream House table lamp, nuke some chicken nuggets or videotape a choreographed dance number to the Monster High theme song.  

Generally very easy breezy lemon squeezy. Still, it’s not the same as totally uninterrupted work time. So naturally, thanks to parent/teacher conference week, I’m now officially behind on my work. Which now means I must work on the weekend (not a fan!) which is NOT going to easy because Randy the perfekt husband won’t be available to entertain our daughter.

What does this all mean, you ask? It means I NEED A COCKTAIL!

How exactly is that going to help me catch up on my work? It won’t. But it’ll go a long way toward keeping me from lying awake at night worrying about getting my work done which would result in me being completely unable to get any work done because of lack of sleep and therefore falling even MORE behind.

It’s a vicious cycle. And I’m going to nip in it in the bud with a little nip of this fall cocktail called….



2 oz Tuaca (an Italian liquer)
Hot apple cider
Whipped cream
Cinnamon stick for garnish

Pour the Tuaca in an Irish coffee glass.
Fill with hot apple cider.
Top with whipped cream.
Garnish with a cinnamon stick.

Yummy huh? I’ve always loved fall. It’s my favorite season with its harvest moons, turning leaves, crisp cool nights and crackling fires. And now I have one more reason to love it.


ENJOY! And remember, don’t feel guilt and parent.

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Author: toni

~ 09/22/10


As a mom to an 8 1/2 year old girl, I have become recently acquainted with a term that has sent shivers of horror up my spine: breast buds.

In case you aren’t familiar with the them, breast buds are the first little “budlings” that pop up on the chest of girls, signaling the onset of breasts and, shortly therafter, puberty and everything that whole hormonal nightmare entails…. aaaaaaggggghhhhhh!

Now why would a grown woman be afraid of such a natural part of life and a girl’s development? Well, it’s because according to studies and recent rumblings in my hood, it is happening earlier and earlier!  

Now I had heard a few years ago, when Julia was a baby, that girls were getting their periods earlier these days. They attributed it partly to better nutrition, but mostly to the fact that there are more hormones in foods, specifically milk and chicken. Because of this I have been careful to try to give Julia only organic milk and chicken that  have not been injected with hormones. But the truth is, I cannot protect her from these additives. They are everywhere and she doesn’t always eat at home.  

Still, I have felt confident that I have done my part to keep early puberty (and little breastlings) at bay and wasn’t worried…. until recently.

Why, you ask? Because a  fellow MAMMAKAZE told me that in her daughter’s 4th grade class last year there were TWO 9 year-old girls who got their periods!

NINE YEAR OLDS MENSTRUATING! Holy cow! Are you kidding me? My kid can’t even get all the conditioner out of  her hair when she showers and now I’ve got to worry about her having to deal with a period while she’s still playing with Barbies?!   Seriously, I shudder at the thought of her or any of these little children having to deal with the maintenance involved in coping with a period. Or the taunting if some jackass of a 9 year-old boy should find out!

How would he find out, you ask? Well, naturally, when girls start their periods that early, teachers must be told because of the obvious issues that could arise in class.

The next step is that parents of other girls in the classroom need to be told because,  in addition to getting breast buds, little girls talk. And they share things. And mommies need to prepare their daughters for such conversations because, well, I think we mommies all agree we don’t want our kids finding out about stuff like that on the playground. First there’s the shock factor. Then there’s the gross factor. Then there’s the misinformation. And finally there’s the sense of betrayal on the part of the kid whose parent didn’t tell her which resulted in her looking stupid in front of her BFFs. Because in addition to getting breast buds and talking, girls do not want to look like the only one in their cliques who are not in the know.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before on this website, but I was a victim of the “playground sex talk” when I was in 3rd grade and it was indeed a traumatic thing!The source was  Dee Dee Rettigheri who, judging by the fact that she clearly shopped in the women’s C cup bra section, had been visited early by the menstruation fairy. As a result, her mother gave her the total lowdown on the birds and the bees which, Dee Dee in turn felt the need to impart to a handful of her classmates one day during recess. 

Never once mentioning a bird or a bee, she regaled us with the gory details. And lemme tell you, I felt shock (what? this is news to me!), disgust (ew!) and denial (my parents DO NOT do that, no way, uh-uh, absolutely NOT!). And yes even betrayal because my mom neglected to mention a word of this to me and now I looked stupid in front of my peeps – although we didn’t call them that then – I think we used the word girlfriends or pals.

For the next few years I carried this knowledge with me, living in mortal fear of the day I would get my period and then my breasts. And vowing that even if it did, I would NEVER engage in this disgusting behavior called “sex”!  We know how THAT turned out. Still, NOT a way for a little girl to approach her puberty.

Meanwhile, I never, not once,  heard a word about any of it from my own mother until I got my  period at age 12 and she informed me that “now I could get pregnant.” And that, as they say in certain circles, was that. Okaaaaay. Short, sweet and totally lacking in any pertinent or helpful information whatsoever. As she left me standing there, ill-prepared for my journey into womanhood, I  wondered if somehow she had discovered that Dee Dee had already given me all the details. Nah, the only possible explanation was that she was as uncomfortable with the whole thing as I was.

So now, as a mom with a daughter of my own, I look back on my own experience and tell myself that I must be strong for my daughter. Yes, this rash of breast budding and early menstruation is terrifying me. But I don’t want my kid to experience what I went through.

So, I will face these breast buds head on, with the courage of a warrior, prepared should an army of hormones strike my daughter prematurely. I will do what I have to to make sure that she is not ill-informed, or afraid or grossed-out. Because I want her to embrace the changes she experiences and accept them as the natural and beautiful part of life that they are. 

Also, I’m really, really counting on the fact that all the years she’s spent trying to get those teeny, tight little tops on those perky-breasted Barbies will  soften the shock of puberty and the onset of breasts, whenever they arrive.

The body image nightmares that arise as a result of the breast-to-hip ratio of Barbies is a whole other issue. I’ll fight that battle when we are attacked by it. Sigh.


For more information – and generally scary %$#@ that will keep you up at night  – about the effects of this early maturation, click on this PINK LINK.


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Author: toni

~ 09/12/10


MAMMAKAZE Will sent this video. Julia loved it and so did I. It put a smile on my usually jaded and cynical face. So…

Just to kick off the week and simply for the sheer joy of it! 


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Author: toni

~ 09/08/10


  Apparently I missed Mr. Blackwell’s latest memo because I had no idea that Underoos were now considered appropriate attire for Disneyland.

Yep. We were standing in line at the Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters ride last weekend and there, right next to us, was a LITTLE BOY wearing nothing but a shirt and his underpants!    

No, he wasn’t a toddler in a diaper (which I also personally think is inappropriate).  This kid was apparently big enough to walk, talk, demand funnel cake and go to the bathroom by himself. And here he was going from attraction to attraction in his underwear!  I don’t care that they were Disney-themed with little Mickey Mouses on them. That doesn’t make it okay! Think about the hygiene implications here! To make matters worse, these underpants were even the kind with the little  door for easy access to his boy parts for peeing and  “what-not”. And as he jumped around and jiggled and jaggled in line as impatient children are wont to do, his boys parts more than once made an appearance. Not only that, there was also some serious “what-not” going on too as he repeatedly stuck his hand in the trap door and then handled the handrail. The only thing missing in this scene was a recliner and Bud Light!  

I mean, it’s bad enough kids pick their noses and touch everything in sight, now I have to see them fondling their wankees and touching the same handrail as me and my kid!

I can only assume that his parents allowed him to dress like this for the sake of convenience. After all, those lines at the bathroom can be sooooo long. This way he could whip it out whenever he liked and easily relieve himself  on the patch of pansies arranged in the shape of Minnie’s head or in Snow White’s wishing well. 

          “One day my prince will come!” 

Sorry Snow White. This kid ain’t gonna be him.

On the other hand, thanks to his mom, he should have no trouble pledging a fraternity when the time comes.

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Author: toni

~ 09/03/10


MAMMAKAZE Jennifer posted this on her Facebook. She didn’t make it up. Someone else did. I guess it’s been around a while which means that of course I’ve never read it before. In case you’re like me – completely out of the loop – and/or if you’re feeling the need for a little mommy appreciation – either directed at you or to a mommy you know – read and enjoy.  

It’s about how we look at mothers at various ages/stages in our lives. I’ve lived these stages with my own mom. I’m reliving them as we speak with my own kid, only now the tables have turned and I’m the one being judged. But I can handle it knowing that one day Julia will be in my shoes.

It’s all about PAYBACK, baby! Eer, I mean, it’s all about the beauty of the natural cycles of life repeating themselves endlessly through time. See how I spun that? Now you think I’m a nice mommy. I’m clever that way.


4 years: Mom knows everything!

8 years: Mom knows a lot!*  

12 years: Mom really doesn’t know everything!

14 years: Mom knows nothing!

16 years: Mom, what mom??

18 years: Mom is outdated!

25 years: Maybe mom knows!

35 years: Before deciding let’s ask mom!

45 years: I wonder what mom thinks!…

75 years: I wish mom was here to ask her!

* (Note: This is where I am with my kid, with some eye rolling thrown in)


Aw. Isn’t that lovely?  And so optimistic that we older moms will actually be around long enough in our kids’ lives that we’ll live to see them eat their words appreciate us again.

In any case, I thought it was a nice piece. And since I already admitted to crying four times during Ramona and Beezus, it can be of no surprise to you people that I have a sentimental side – albeit one with a sarcastic underbelly.

So sue me! And have a nice Labor Day Weekend!

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